growing up i never really noticed the anxiety. i thought that’s how everyone felt. starting school, meeting new friends, growing up. i never really noticed the problem until the past year almost two.
my sophmore year in high school things got so bad for me i would almost run to my classes. i wouldnt stop to talk to anyone, and once i got to class i would just stare at the clock the whole time. i felt like everyone was always staring at me. judging me. then i left school. i thought maybe no one would even notice. but they did. and the things they said at first didn’t help.
then i started hyperventilating when i got nervous. usually it just got hard to breathe and my heart would start pounding, but then it progressed to an inability to breathe. and people trying to calm me and talk to me only made me panic more. once i finally gained a little control over that, enough to not make an ass of myself.
i began having nightmares. the kind where it feels so real. i wake up gasping for breath. im sweating. and im so afraid i can’t go back to bed. i dont even want to sleep anymore. some nights i fall asleep so hard i dont remember them. but most nights i feel tormented by these nightmares. and whats worse is part way through the night, i realize im asleep but i cant wake myself up like i can when its a good dream. i feel stuck. and i feel suffocated.
my parents don’t really care to help me much, they’ve sent me to about 3 different therapists but only for a few times before they lose interest in helping me. i really dont know where else to go. im not 18 yet so i dont know what i could do for myself.
lately i’ve just been trying to eat better and exercise more.
physical health is related to mental health. so out of complete and total desperation im trying this.