get over my fear of driving

So, here I am again, and I need to renew my permit (yes, permit…) once again. I’m already 19, and I need to get out. I cannot stay in a dorm this year, so driving is the only way to make things easier (sure there’s public transit, but I would have to transfer from train, to BART, to bus, & that’s just annoying).

About “getting out”. I don’t like having to rely on people to take me places or just being stuck in the house all day even though I would like to just spontaneously go somewhere. I feel like I’m on house arrest during the summer because I don’t have a license.

But, I feel like there’s something holding me back. Maybe it’s the idea of “holy crap I have to grow up now”? Or, is it because I wasn’t given proper encouragement? I can’t stop now, I mean, last summer I almost passed my driving test with flying colors—except for that one street sign I failed to pay attention to. Maybe it’s a fear of failing again… but, accepting it only makes me seem like I give up easily. Which is really not a part of my character.

Did you know that in Saudi Arabia, women are not allowed to drive? That’s when it struck me. A privilege given to everyone (of age) not allowed to women. Driving is a basic necessity, and here I am, being scared of something that is getting the best of me.

Seriously, if petty criminals can do it (there must be a way COPS can film highway chases, right?), then good little college student can too. Not, that I want to be a petty criminal…

...and I failed, once again. BUT!!!! I made no minor errors and drove like a pro. I made only one CDE, unfortunately.

I feel so… ugh, angry and frustrated. I really, really want my license. No use crying over it, because I know I did so much better than the last time. And the days are numbered because I start school next week. x___x

Today at 2:40, I’m going to take the driving test the 2nd time, so wish me luck! ^^

I just have to make it a habit to turn my head. And to not even release the slightest pressure off the brake at a full stop sign.

x_X;

Other than that, driving is coming along fine.

Ok, so I postponed the date for the driving test to August 13th. I just need to get into the habit of TURNING MY HEAD to look around instead of with my eyes only.

I think I failed the first time because the examiner didn’t physically see me look around, and to turn my head. So, next time, I’m going to exaggerate my movements. I guess driving is a lot more physical than I had anticipated.

Ok, so continuing on with my last entry…I’m going to the other city today to become familiar with the area. Once I know the area a bit better, then I shouldn’t have to worry so much.

EDIT: I didn’t go to the other city, but I drove around in the area where I took my last driving test. I made it through… okay. Except for my mother making me nervous. Like when she said, “Turn”, I thought she literally meant to turn at the corner. But~ she meant that I turn my head.

So, I have to work on turning my head and not to be too cautious on the road. I’m determined to get my license.

And I failed. It didn’t help that my own mother was yelling me to correct my mistakes… 30 minutes before the actual test. Dx

I am upset that I didn’t pass the first time… but, I am re-taking the test in another city on August 5th, so hopefully the DMV there won’t be as strict. Apparently the 3 other people that went before me didn’t pass either.

Is it that particular DMV? Who knows. But I need to pass the driving test the second time. Embarrassing, I know.

Ok, so starting today, I have to go and pick up my sister from her summer classes at the local community college everyday. It’s a small step to try and conquer this. Hopefully I’ll be better at driving and trying to be more comfortable being in the driver’s seat.

And my mom signed me up for a driving test on the 24th, so I must get over this fear if I want to pass the test the first time.

And I found this inspirational quote from the internet:
“You must do the thing that you fear until the fear of that thing becomes no more.”- Brian Tracy (He’s a self-help author; other than that, I don’t know much else about him.)

I’m 18 years old, and this fear has taken over me. I know a lot of people will say, “You have lots of time ahead of you~”, but sooner or later that time would have just flown by. This is frustrating because my parents drive like it’s instinct to them, and my friends all drive great. The my relatives all drive as well, and not being able to feels like a huge disability. Even my older cousin started to poke fun at me for it.

I got my permit when I was 15-16, because like every teen I really wanted to drive. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to use my permit then. I got my permit again earlier this year in March, and even though I have taken a couple lessons, my hands still get clammy, and my head starts spinning. And honking, inconsiderate drivers thinking that you are on LSD doesn’t help much either.

This is one thing that scares me. I can ride roller-coasters, watch surgeries on the Discovery channel, conquer the SAT, watch horror flicks, sit through gory films while eating a hotdog and pita chips; things that most people are afraid of but, something as normal as driving… it’s really tough.