I allowed this guy to break me. I liked his for four years. When I met him, he was a little chubby and deeply wounded. He was a cutter, just got out of a rough relationship and was a mess…. but it was a trick. I fell for him and I thought he loved me too, until he decided to go out with his best friend. Oh godd…. and i cried nonstop for like a week. It felt like death.
I seriously thought our connection was gone forever… but I held on to my feelings. And he even called me to tell me he misses me almost everyday. I felt so guilt; he even had a girlfriend . I was angry he had the guts to contact me; I was angry at myself for taking it. I felt like a HOMEWRECKER. So i stopped… and got myself a very sweet boyfriend. But i ruined that too by my feelings for this guy.
I honestly thought I could never get over him. I thought I could never fall in love again. I felt like a NON-BELIEVER. I decided the only way for me to get over him was to leave… so i travelled 800 miles for college. The guy contacted me again while I was in New York. I told him “__. Please don’t ever try to contact me again. Let me get over you, ok?” And i never heard from him…
Until now; it’s been a year since i last heard from him. About a week ago, We decided to go for a walk and catch up. I guess a part of me wondered whether i still have feelings for him. (He now has another girlfriend and they are planning to get engaged next year. He doesn’t know I know.)
When we took our incredibly long walk, he kept making all these jokes and funny charades. He’s changed now; taller, muscular, and yeah, cute eyes… He’s stopped cutting and he’s finally in a long-term relationship. The walk was a revelation! I realized i felt none of the heaviness in my heart anymore and I told him “Let’s just forget about our past. Let’s just try to move on and be friends.”
And he snapped back in an angry tone and told me “he’ll try.” Which meant he still hasn’t gotten over me yet. But yeah… this kind of guy never knows what he has till it’s gone. And yeah, damn right. I am the best he never had.
But yes, we can love again. First, we have to realize it is a problem and we do have to deal with it. Once you decide to lose this emotional affair with him, grieve till you can’t grieve no more.. trust me, you will feel a lot better. And forgive yourself. We all only do the best we can do. Love makes us feel alive. Love till your heart explodes. Be the bigger person by getting up after a fall and insisting on falling even harder. And even when you lose him, there are plenty of ways to get love and affection: family, friends, community, etc. Don’t miss out!
I have met a man after this 4 year emotional affair. He is a gentleman and I love how safe and nice he treats me. He doesn’t take advantage of me and guess what?! Nice guys can be SO MUCH FUN. Gosh, whoever told you nice guys are boring seriously need to try some of them out! My tastes in men have seriously changed for the better.
