relax

Baths are usually relaxing. Especially bubble bath/candlelit bath. Swimming too, I’d like to go swimming more. I also think having a nice warm drink can be relaxing (for example, a hot chocolate). Oh, and after an orgasm you feel relaxed! Also music can be, depends on the music really, but I don’t have to play it so loud because actually it’s more relaxing if it’s not loud, yet it can be nice to play it loud. (So I think I should think of these if I want to relax).

I was feeling down, and it was obvious to my b/f (who visited for a bit in evening). I didn’t want him to go home, I felt that I’d be too lonely, and wouldn’t know what to do with myself. Well, then he told me this:

Close my eyes, breathe in through my nose to the count of five, hold breath for five, and then breathe out through my mouth to the count of five. Feel all the stress or whatever go. Keep breathing like that. Feel relaxed. There are no worries. You see some steps, there are 20 steps. Every time you breathe out you take a step. When you get to the top you see a door. Open that door. This is your room, your special place. You’re safe here, it can be anything you want it to be. What do you see? (I imagined a beach, it was sunny, blue sky, soft sand, sea). You go in through the door. What are you doing on the beach? (I lay on a deck chair, listening to music and eating ice cream). How do you feel? (Relaxed). There is no sadness or anything here, you are free of all that. There is a girl who’s sometimes sad, she’s not you. Do you know why she’s sometimes sad? (I said could be many reasons, one being people being horrible to her). Well, no one’s perfect and I should concentrate on the good, and myself try not to be horrible to her. Now, when you’re ready, leave the place, but know that you can come back here whenever you want. Close the door and go down the steps, faster this time, 20, 19, 18… still breathing how you were doing… when you get to 0 open your eyes and you will feel refreshed, awake… 0. I open my eyes. (I think that’s the jist of it anyway).

I did feel better, at least a bit. It was relaxing. Not only can it be relaxing but I can try and go there to think through and try and solve things. That depends on the advice given I guess though. I would like to explore that as something more positive to do if I’m stressed/unhappy or whatever. Of course, sometimes putting music on helps. Also; a change of focus. Could be anything good, I guess.

Oh, and he changed his mind and did stay last night, which I was glad about.

I sat in the garden, in the sun, listened to “The Music Of Simon & Garfunkel, solo guitar with nature” on cassette walkman and closed my eyes. It was relaxing. Did wish I was on the beach, though (it was sunny, fairly warm, and some of the songs had sounds of the sea on it…) but I think the nature sounds made it even more relaxing, and closing my eyes I could imagine being near the beach etc.

Well, I do need to do this. I didn’t really realise, I don’t always think about things like this, but sometimes when I get angry, I really get angry, and then I make mistakes (for example; I chucked my mobile phone a few days ago). Not the first time I had ever done that actually (well, it was the first time with this phone, but I once did it with a phone I had back in 2002). Anyway, it broke, and we lost the keypad to it. Thankfully it’s working like it was, so it isn’t actually broken, and thankfully I found a spare keypad (couldn’t find the other keypad) but it’s made me realise I don’t want to get so clouded with frustration or whatever that I chuck something that is important to me and risk breaking it or whatever. I don’t want to get so clouded with frustration anyway, for my sake, it’s not enjoyable screaming and crying. But how do you relax? It’s hard when you get stressed, when you’re sad/angry you just don’t think rationally.

It’s hard as well, because my sister said ‘breathe’ and I just didn’t, I didn’t listen, I didn’t relax, I was too stressed – so I just chucked the phone. The whole ‘phone chucking’ thing that I mentioned, that was Monday, it’s now just turned Thursday (past midnight).