post randomly

I was looking through the hundreds of word documents i have on my external harddrive and I found a few called ‘convos’ where i’d saved [you guess it] conversations I’d had with people on the message boards I used to LIVE on, and in private messages and stuff. I read through them all and came to a ton which were about him. They started of like ‘I don’t even like him, but L and J keep saying I do and it’s getting annoying!’ to ‘Okay, so I do like him a bit, but he doesn’t even like me. we’re just really good friends’ and then ‘OMFG. HE TOLD J THAT HE LIKES ME!’ and then the last ten messages I have are me going ‘he’s so lovely, and funny and a dork like me! and we keep goofing around and he like me!’ and then it just stops, probably because I just got lazy and stopped saving them. I read the last one like half an hour ago and just sat for a minute with a goofy smile on my face going ‘Oh god I remember that. It was lovely!’ and then I remember that..well, no it wasn’t lovely because it ended in a bit of a shit way, didn’t it?

It’s been ages but I keep thinking about him and it’s really annoying. I want that whole feeling again. Gawd, this sucks.

Why does non-Alcoholic beer exist? The reason most people drink beer is because it’s got alcohol in it, isn’t it?

Just putting that out there.

I got an interview for a journalism course. it’s on thursday. yeay!

Yesterday I got a letter from Cardonald college regarding the Journalism Course I applied for. It said ‘sorry, but you didn’t get in. Tough luck.’ and now I’m just convinced I’m not going to get in anywhere else. While writing this I realized that it sounds like I’m being all ‘comfort me and tell me it’ll all be okay!’ but I’m not, I just want to rant and moan abut how shit my life will be if I don’t get in anywhere. again. for a second year. There’s only so much rejection a girl can take, y’know.

The thing is.. I’m not thick. I’m not stupid, no matter what some people might think, and the fact that my list of qualifications is quite small doesn’t really mean anything. I went to an awesome little independent school because I spent a few years being a fuck up before that, but so the fuck what? My education wasn’t compromised and I don’t know less than I would had I attended mainstream school. I have less qualifications because I sat less exams because it would have been too much to try and do fucking 9 of them in the space of two months. So I sat four and I passed them all, thanks very much. So yeah…I’m not stupid, that college is. GRRR. I don’t have the energy to try and make sense anymore. I just want to get in SOMEWHERE so I don’t…feel like this. I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get in. Cry probably. A lot. And eat my weight in swiss milk chocolate, of course.

=[

but about twenty minutes ago I wrote ‘You just lost The Game’ on an orange Post-it note and stuck it to the rearview mirror in my sisters car. If you don’t know what The Game is then go here losethegame.com and find out. I also drew a smiley face on one and wrote ’=P Have fun at work Homie! G x’ on another. I’m pretty much awesome right now.

I also wrote ‘Have a good day at work, Daddy-O! Love, G xo’ on one and stuck it to the radio screen thing in my dads car because I’m just a great daughter =] I’m in such a good mood today. It must be the sun.

=]

I just downloaded Eminem’s new album. I’m excittteeeedddd!

Woah. Entries on the Eagles and Eminem? I’m all kinds of awesome.

I’ve been suffering from back pain on and off for the last two years now which is, y’know, awesome since I’m 18 years old and and never really even want to do anything other than laying around in pain while being doped up to the eyeballs.

After seeing my regular doctor about it for what has got to be the sixth time, she tells me I have sciatica and should go see a specialist [she either said a physio or chiropractor, can’t remember] who will give me a more thorough assessment [it’s not the right word, but i’m very dopey right now] and talk to me about pain management and shiz.

Here’s where I get to moan;

Holy FUCK sciatica is a bitch! Really, it’s probably the most pain I’ve ever been in. Right now I have this awful pain down both my legs which caused by the nerve I’ve somehow trapped somewhere. It’s really, really bad. It feels like something has a hold of the nerve going down each of my legs and is just pulling on it occasionally. And, yknow how sometimes when you just have a good old regular pain somewhere, you can adjust how you’re sitting or just find a position which doesn’t make it hurt so bad? Yeah. I can’t do that. At all. It’s like no matter what way I sit; legs bent, legs straight, on my side a little bit, one leg over the other, legs totally relaxed, legs a little bit tense, I just can’t make it stop hurting. i feel so horrible and useless and pathetic. I’m fucking 18 years old.

Oh! Oh! That’s something else I can bitch about! I’m fucking 18 years old! I’m young! Most people who suffer from it are aged 30-50. Not 18! I want to be out doing things, FUN THINGS! I don’t want to be….like this. I keep joking ‘Oh, I’m like an 80 year old woman!’ but dude, I really am. I just hobble around the house in my fluffy slippers with a stomach so full of painkillers I would actually rattle if you shook me. FML.

Also, the doctor gave me a sick line for two weeks so that will bring my time off work up to a lovely four fucking weeks. I’m not complaining because I’m missing work – I fucking hate my job – I’m complaining because I need money. URGH!!

It’s late. I have to go fill my hot water bottle, take my pills and go curl up in bed.

=[

I do appear to be very dopey and weird and stoned all of a sudden after the pills I took, Oh, AN HOUR AGO! FML. Can’t I get pills that take my pain away and DON’T make me just drift off into spaced-out-land in the middle of a

I typed ‘43things.com’ into the address bar thinking ‘I’ll have a little rant about college and how ‘omfg. I’ve left it so late and I can’t decide and I’m not going to get accepted anywhere ever and everything is going to suck and and and!!!’and then I started thinking ‘well maybe that doesn’t matter’ but then I thought that maybe it does matter and then I realized… well, yeah it DOES matter to me and I should just hurry the fuck up and decide because my NOT KNOWING what the hell I want to do is the only issue I have right now.

Then the page loads and the first ting I see is ‘What do you want to do with your life?’

Are you fucking shitting me?

I saw Cobra Starship last night and they were amazing. They had three other bands with them who each played like, 6 or 7 songs [all this for a £10, btw. win!] and it was SUCH a good night. Their wiki page says; “Their music is mainly a mix of alternative rock and pop punk, as well as the electronic sounds of alternative dance and synthpop.” which pretty much just spells ‘AWESOME’ to me. I love going to see bands like that live because A, their support groups are always awesome [Cash Cash & Sing It Loud] and B, the crowd is always great too. Everyone is all hyper and happy and ‘I’m gonna talk to you cos your shirt says ‘Nerdosaurus’ on it!’ [true story] everyone is always so nice and the bands are down to earth. Urgh. I love it so much. It was SUCH a good gig, and Even though I have a massive bruise on my shoulder and sore feet and broken ears, I’d go back and see them in a heartbeat.

=]