Lose 30 pounds

i give up.. i suck.

The wedding has come and gone.
I’ve gained back all I lost. I attribute this to my mass consumption of alcohol.
Tomorrow is a new day. I’ve decided to stop looking back at all the times I’ve failed and focus on now and the future.
30lbs by Vday. I will succeed.
It will not be easy. I cannot expect it to be so.
I am going to do it.

Well i’m down 5lbs now. The wedding is next Saturday and it’d be nice to hope for another 5 by then but if not that’s OK. I’ve been starting to run again. It makes a difference. I haven’t had anything to drink since Monday. I wish I could just give alcohol up all together. Weekends are usually our drinking times, my husband and I do projects around the house and drink beer all the while. Which is fun, but obviously not assisting in saving on calories. This weekend I’m gonna abstain, completely. Focus on staying active and running around alot, playing in the yard and hiking in the woods, it’ll be the first no-alcohol weekend for me in like, um.. well awhile. I’m curious to see how I feel during and after. I know 5lbs is good, but I start feeling sorry for myself it isn’t coming off faster. Blah. I am looking forward to the wedding, not the pictures of course.. but I have to remember it’s not my day, it’s my BFF’s and to focus on her and not me.

It’s difficult to change, I’m doing ok, I’ve been keeping an online food diary, which is a PAIN, but it can help me I know so I try to stick with it. My best friend is getting married the 25th of this month and I was hoping to be down 10lbs. That may be a difficult goal and I guess 5 is more feasable. She’s very fit and she works to be so, I still find myself pouting on the inside when she can wear low slung jeans and tanks without the belly roll. (see pic!)
I have learned that it’s easier to not drink when you’re broke and can’t buy alcohol. I’ve been doing Something almost everyday, trying to be consistent and not trying to change everything at once to make it a more permanent change. It’s been nearly 95 here all week and I can’t walk or run until dusk to keep from choking on the humidity! I have a pilates DVD i’ve been doing. If I weren’t such a weird shape, it would be less of a pain. I’m TALL 5’9 so I’m told I carry my weight differently and that I don’t look 165. I feel it though. It’s all in my back and tummy. Blah. Why couldn’t it be on my Ass? Oh well, but my legs are slim and strong, still from that short spurt that I was running regularly. I’m hoping to have lost at least 5 lbs by the wedding. I’m getting older and it just gets harder to lose as my metabolism slows.

So I’m here again. 165. Yeah. it hurts. I don’t have the energy. I’m makin a change starting tomorrow. I’m too young to be this tired! I know it’s the extra weight. I’ve made an agreement with myself, so as a reward after the first 20lbs, i’m getting a tattoo. So,, hear ye hear ye, i’m givin it another go.

I have been runnin, eatin less, drinkin less,, it’s good!!

Wow so it’s like a year later since i’ve posted.. I’m still the same weight.. 159 to be exact. I get sick of the “oh you’re tall and u look fine” bs. I’m starting to run again. Hardcore. Tomorrow I’m gonna run at least a mile a day. Whatever it takes. Next month i’ll run 2 miles a day.. no matter what. OK so that’s my big declaration.

OK, after taking advantage of selfdietclub.com, where i can track all my calories of each day, I found that 48% of my calories are coming from fat.. HMMM.. I wonder why the weight isn’t coming off?? Also I have been using Yourself!Fitness, which I love, I’m about to do workout 7 today, after 10, i get to be evaluated again. Woohoo. I feel good, not hungry or anything, SDC says I should stick to about 1777 calories daily. Not too bad. My brother is coming down this weekend though,, I am afraid, he always wants to go out to all the pubs and stuff,, I must use control, consistency is key. I hope to see on monday morning that i have lost 1-2 lbs. Wish me luck!! I guess it’s not about luck though, it’s about work. Something i’ve never been so great at. Maybe now is the turning point. We will see.

I have 2 beautiful boys. But I have kept about 30lbs on since I got pregnant the 1st time. I must do something and soon. I’m ordering Yourself!Fitness off ebay today. I want to lose at least 10lbs by my birthday. Which is in November. If I lost 2 lbs a week I could lose 20 or more but I can’t put too much pressure on myself. I crack under pressure. I really do. The weight isn’t even so much what I mind as the way it’s distributed. I have a small head now and big football shoulders and a thick torso and big hips and then tiny legs and feet. It looks so wrong and so unfeminine. Blah!!!!