Be less shy

I forgot all about this and it’s so odd reading my previous entries from last year (inconsequently all of which have horrendous spelling errors); I’ve improved so much I’d never had believed I could have done it.

I’m not going to tick this off as done quite yet, it’s something I can still work on in certain situations but what’s changed is I used to be “shy” as my character, now I’m just shy in certain situations and with certain people.

A friend was joking to my boyfriend how I used to ask her to buy things for me in shops and cancel at the last minute if I thought that there would be a group of people, etc. and he refused to believe I was ever a shy person. Hopefully I’ll manage to carry this on to university next year.

Best (and hardest) thing I did was to get a job in a shop where I had to talk and sell to customers one-on-one – making small talk and all of that, which improvised my ability to talk to people to such an extent.

I never thought I’d be able to improve so much, when I remember the completely socially crippling shyness I used to have, to now. People don’t understand that being shy is so horrendous. This sounds like I’m exaggerating, but it’s only just hit me what a massive thing this is for me :).

i’ve agreed to go out to town tonight for new years with a friend and a load of her friends, now, although i realise this isn’t a big deal, but, this time i want to be unshy…welcome in the new year with a confident me, the past year i’ve really, really improved but i’m definatly still shy, tonight i’m going to see if there’s any marked improvement with a comparision to the same day last year, again a similar situation- new years eve, dont know really anyone, and me. hopefully there will. i will properly talk and be myself tonight! this is going to be intresting. wish me luck!

I have absolutly improved on this, I’ve been going out and doing new things as much as possible. Back to the formality of education and although I’m still shyer here than I am normally (which has improved a lot) I have gotten better. Talking to new people, etc.

I was a bit disapointed with myself when i had to do a smallish speach to get myself voted for, a few days ago, to 30ish people. It didn’t go to well, and I know I could have done better if i really tried, but I did make eye contact with people in the room and not gaze at a distant spot which is a huge achievment for me!

I know it’s only a small thing, but I’ve managed to fully break my habit of crossing my arms (defencivly), first it felt so wierd and uncomfortable, but now it’s just better, as inside it makes me feel more confident if my body language is more confident (whether real or fake.)

so, all-in-all, very happy with how far I’ve come in realativly such a short time, I’ve made a really conscious effort every moment of the day to be aware that I don’t want to be shy, and it seems to have paid off. Still shy, but less so! :-)

I know that i’ve improved so much in my lessening of shyness, things i’ve been doing recently i’d never have been able to do before. I’ve sort of stopped working on it, which is something in the past few days i’m starting to do again.

But the main problem is that i’m stating 6th form this september, at the same school as before and i’m worried that it’ll drain all my confidence again. even when i was becoming less shy, i still reamined the same shy person at school. I hated myslef there. i didn’t talk to other people sometimes for a whple day…literaraly!

i know i shouldn’t foresee problems, but i’ve already experianced the effect it has on me, and i’m not sure how i can make the out of school me replace the mould i’m used to filling. Or overcome the effect the place has on me. I want to leave and make a freash start somewhere else, so i can completly break away. i don’t know what to do!!

just a saturday job, and my first day to day. i felt relativly calm (shows how much i’ve improved!) and although at first i was a bit shaky while having to do all the small talk with customers by the end it wasn’t so bad. so hopefully being forced to talk to lots of different people, plus people who work there i may well become less shy in social situations! and getting paid to sit there, serve customers and talk to people definatly helps! :-)

my week of “work-experience” started monday, (yesterday), very suprisingly i wasn’t nervous and felt relaxed. everyone is nice and after the immediate natural awkwardness while talking to some of the people, we now get on well and i feel like i’ve known them for ages and spend most of my time laughing. i just feel really comfortable and not at all shy, other than the shyness that almost everyone feels when in a new enviorment with new people. so my shyness in some situations is definatly decreasing! :-)

I’ve been in a really good mood lately, not sure if it’s because I’m making a concentrated effort to be less shy that I’m happier, or because I’m happier I am less shy, the chicken or the egg scenario. Or, in fact one may not have any bearing at all upon the other.

But the effect of leaving school and not being constricted to the uniform has defiantly had a noticeable influence on my increased confidence, so hopeful with my sustained determination, as well as the ritual act of destroying my uniform, I may, in fact one day be able to do the things I want to do without such hindering degrees of shyness.

Every day, I’ve given myself one task to do in the day, for example to day it was to have a short and pointless conversation with someone I don’t know that well. Which I managed to do without too much stress involved, something a month ago I’d never have been able to even consider doing.

...to the party! luckly it didn’t conform to all the awkward situations i was imagining it to. i talked to some of the friends of who invited me. on the positive side it wasn’t uncomfortable, the reason being they were even more shy than me, which is only just possible, and meant that i was actaully the most talkative. i often find it easy to talk to people who are also shy. and i automatically gravitate to quieter people. alhtough it would have been easier for me if they were more outgoing so i didn’t have to attempt to carry the conversation on my own. meeting people who are also shy gives me a better impression of how peole see me, and why i need to overcome this. ‘tho it went ok. and today i meet up with a friend i havn’t seen in almost a year, and guess what, i was actaully was confident, and un-shy!!

i’m going to a party tonight, and i only know one person there, so it’s going t be scary! I didn’t say i’d definatly go only “i might be busy, i’ll see” so i still have the option of not going, and ahlf of me wants to just stay at home and watch Big Brother, the other half’s telling me to just go, with the added fact that if i hate it i can leave. it’s just i don’t want to go and then sit in the corner (metophorically) all evening as i usually do. so i either go and be completly un-shy and talk to new people like i’m always confident, or i can sit at home regretting not going. ummm.

i know really i’m going to end up going anyway. but as now i’ve resolved to be less shy and i am slowly progressing in becoming thus, i don’t want to go and then if i do regress into the painfully shy person i can be, i’m just going to feel bad about myself. on the other hand i should at least practice some of my outgoing, talkive social skills.

Okay, fine I’ll go.

i’ll just dress down so i don’t feel embarassed if i look confident and don’t act it. i’ll just wear comfortable, nice clothes that i’ll feel relaxed in. oh but i’m just so nervous! i can’t believe it, it’s such a small thing to get so worked up about!!...

humm i “think” i’m improving, i don’t think i’m getting that much better at talking more, but i’m getting a lot better at being in social situations i’d normally be too shy to even consider being in, and consequently don’t seem so scary as they used to. and i am now starting up conversations with people who i wouldn’t normally talk to at all, not to good at continuing the conversation, but at least it’s a start and i’m trying so hopefully practice will work!!vstill very early days but it’s good i’m already seeing some sort of improvment! need to arrange lots and lots of social situations in the weeks coming to just get better.