be nicer

I actually bit my tonge and DID NOT SAY WHAT WAS ON MY MIND!
It’s all my fault, really. I forgot to do laundry and ended up with only 2 red suits to wear, a skirt suit and a pants suit. I picked the pants because it’s darker, but that didn’t matter much. So of course the peanut gallery at work had comments, behind my desk, next to my cubicle, talking about me literally behind my back. “At least she tries,” I heard one whisper.

I did not scream ” I don’t try, I do, bitch!” No, instead I turned and offered the ladies sunglasses, with a smile. The one woman laughed and said, you’re so funny!
The other said, “But [my name], you’re wearing RED from head to toe.” My response? I re-offered the sunglasses. Everyone giggled and more importantly vacated from my work area.

What I did not say was, “Well ma’am, I would only clean my house in the clothes you wear to work!”

Chest thumping, head slightly hurting, I returned to work. What good is being good if nobody knows how good you were?
I’m still proud I kept my mouth shut for once. I have to find another way to survive moments like those if I’m staying in corporate America and going to be seen as nice.

I am. I’m “that one” at the office; nobody wants to work with me on team projects, and nobody cares to socialize with me. You take one look at me and you know I’m that one, even if all I’ve said is “It’s nice to meet you.” It was like this all through school too. I really have no clue what’s so repulsive about me, only that I seem to repel everyone.
I have a couple of friends but I’m almost convinced they just feel sorry for me.
Then I say, I’m not wearing that label. I get in my own way too much for thinking like that though.
When I’m being nice, it’s perceived as condescension; I’m asking people about themselves and I’m perceived as fake and not caring; I speak to no one unless I’m spoken to and I’m seen as stand-offish. No matter what situation I’m in, work or social, I just can not score a point playing this game.
I need to start changing but I have no clue where to start or anyone to practice on.
It hurts too, because I like most people and have never been repelled by a person to just asked a question or said hello. TO know that’s the vibe I give is horrifying.