Give God All of Me

I heard an interesting illustration last week. It was about how people search for the will of God in their life, but they’re doing it so they can decide whether or not they want to go along with it. That’s the wrong attitude. You’ve gotta be willing to go along for the ride no matter where it takes you. You don’t always get to look at the road map first. You have to sign your name to line on the bottom of the paper, and only then will He begin to fill in the details.

Sometimes you’ll find out that you’re already where God wants you to be, or you might find out He wants you to quit your steady job, move to an unfamiliar place in the middle of nowhere, and adapt to a culture completely the opposite of what you’re used to.

I think this is the first time I’ve changed my name since joining 43T. On the way home from work today, I was listenning to the radio and a line in one of the songs said, “Just a pocket full of dreams and a heart full of God.”

That line really seemed to fit. That’s really all I’ve got right now. I’ve got a lot of dreams and no way(in my power) to make them happen. I’m in a place where I’m basically asking, “What happens next?”

God has really been blessing me lately though. It’s kind of funny because once in a while I(stupidly) start feeling good about the thingsI have been doing. Everytime that happens though, something happens to remind me how liitle I’ve actually done compared to what I could/should be doing.

How easy it is to take something back that you’ve already given up…

This entry itself doesn’t really have much to do with this goal, but the resulting picture does, so I figured I’d put it in here.

I messed around in Paintshop for a while. I kind of had the idea for this the other night. I’d seen some t-shirts a while back that had taken famous company slogans and symbols and had given them a Christian theme. Then the other night, someone said something about the fact that the world has a “Have it your way” attitude which made me think of Burger King and then my mind just kind of wandered from there… and this is the result.

EDIT: When I was making that, the slogan “HAVE IT HIS WAY!” looked a lot bigger than it does there. You may have to click it and make the picture bigger to read it.

The past several weeks have been spent really seeking my purpose, my place in His plan, the next few steps on my path. Thursday night, I was about to go to bed, but as I was getting ready I had a sudden urge to organize a few of my books first. I put up a new bookshelf back in March, but hadn’t really had time(other than when my foot was broken) to figure out what I want on it.

So I looked around a little while and grabbed a couple of books to put up there. Then I looked around again and a particular book caught my eye. The book was The Purpose Driven Life. I had heard that book recommended several times, but had never read it. Apparently, I’d had it the whole time. My grandmother had given it to me for Christmas one year, which apparently slipped into the stack of memories lost from brain damage.

The book is divided into 40 days(since that is a significant period of time throughout the Bible), so I’m only a couple of days into it. However, I have a feeling that it will be a great experience to read it. It was no coincidence that my grandmother gave me a book that laid forgotten on my shelf for all that time only to be noticed again at a time that it fit in perfectly with the events that have been going on in my life. I can’t wait to see what the book says farther in, but I’m going to try to stick with the 40 day plan.

Also, it says it is good to have someone going through the book with you hinthintnudgenudge lol

There’s been a lot going through my mind lately, sometimes it’s hard to sort it all out. That’s all for this entry, maybe more later depending on how long it takes me to do other stuff I need to do online.

I’ve had this song running through my head all day. It’s a great song on any day, but it especially hit home with today being Easter and all.

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.

I got up early this morning for an outside sunrise service. It was cold outside and some of my arthritis was acting up. So as I was sitting there listening to the story of Jesus’s resurrection, a thought crept into my mind to complain about my discomfort. A split second later, I realized how stupid I was being. Here I was supposed to be reflecting on all the things Jesus went through for us, but I was letting a couple of minor pains distract me.

After that, everytime I thought about the pain, it reminded me of what the day is about.

Anyway, I just thought I’d mention that here. It’s sad how easily we sometimes get distracted from all that He has done for us.

I went to bed what has apparently been 4 hours ago, but I didn’t actually go to sleep. But while I couldn’t sleep, it was a good kind of insomnia. I got a lot of thinking done, and to be honest it only felt like about an hour had passed. I was really surprised when I got up and saw what time it was.

I thought about a lot of different things, mostly about what my future may hold, some about my past, and a bit about the present. I prayed for wisdom to understand the past and know what to do now to reach the future He wants for me. It’s a prayer I’ve prayed before, but I’m not sure I ever truly meant it, and I definitely never wanted it this much(I think not having an explanation for the past gave me an excuse to wallow in self-pity, but that’s another story). This time I truly meant it, and I really wanted it.

Somewhere during those four hours, I had one of those moments where something just kind of makes sense(actually I had a couple of them, but for now I’ll stick with this one). I believe that, for the past 4 1/2 years, the Lord has been preparing me for something. I don’t know specifically what yet, but it’s nice to have this understanding. It may be a foreshadowing of a rough future, but that’s alright. I feel like I’ll be prepared for it.

Here’s what I mean. I don’t fear death. I’ve come about as close as you can get without dying and I know what’s on the other side, so what’s left to fear? I don’t fear pain. I was in pain constantly every day for 3 1/2 years of my life and then off and on since then. I’m not gonna say I enjoy pain, but the idea of being in pain doesn’t really bother me as much as I think it would most people. I do still have some problems with public speaking, but if that’s my only fear, and I know it’s one I can(and have before) overcome, then I’d say I’m in pretty good shape. Plus, even if the future holds something worse for me than my past, I now have ways of dealing with a lot of the problems I may face which will make it easier to bare.

I don’t really know what all that means He’s been preparing me for, but I do know I need to continue to prepare myself until the time comes.

Anyway, that’s one of the things I thought about. I’m gonna go lay down again, but my mind is still racing around, so I’m not sure I’ll end up sleeping. Who knows, maybe I’ll come back with another epiphany.

I was reminded yesterday of a story that I think does a great job of illustrating the difference between believing God can do something and believing God will do something. I’ve heard it told a couple different ways, but the concept is always the same.

There was a tightrope walker and he was going to cross over the Niagra Falls. It took them a while to get the line strung across and get everything set up, and during that time quite a crowd had formed to see what was going on. When everything was ready, he grabbed his pole to balance with, got on a megaphone and said, “How many of you think I can walk across this wire with my balancing pole?” Most of them didn’t really think he could do it, but there was a few that did and they gave a light applause. To most people’s surprise, he did it without much trouble. Then he got back on the megaphone and said, “Alright, now how many of you think I can take a wheelbarrow across with me next time?” This time a few more people believe he could do it, but most of them still doubted. The applause was a bit stronger and a few people were cheering. So the man takes the wheelbarrow and easily crosses over the Falls. Next he said, “Okay, you’ve seen me take a wheelbarrow across, who thinks I can put a 200 pound sack of sand in the wheelbarrow and take it across with me!?” This time the applause and cheering were pretty strong. Once again, the man made it across without much trouble. For his last stunt, the man grabbed the megaphone and addressed the crowd, “You’ve seen me cross, you’ve seen me take a wheelbarrow, and you’ve seen me do it with a 200 pound bag of sand. HOW MANY OF YOU THINK I CAN MAKE IT ACROSS WITH A MAN IN THE WHEELBARROW!?” The crowd went wild. Nearly everyone was cheering and clapping. “Who will be the first to get in the wheelbarrow for me!?” Suddenly the crowd got quiet and some people even ran away.

The people believed he could take a man across, but it’s an entirely different thought when you’re asked to put yourself in that wheelbarrow. We’re like that with God a lot. We say he can do anything, but many times we don’t want to trust him to do it for us.

That’s the obvious point to be made from this story, but I’d like to take it a step further. Once you do trust God to handle things, and you climb in the wheelbarrow, you’ve gotta stay in. It’s a long fall if you try to climb out halfway over.

I’ve been realizing a lot lately that there are areas of my life that I still need to surrender.

I looked through a lot of the similar goals on 43T, but I like the way this one says it. “Give God All of Me”

This will be an ongoing process, but hopefully seeing this goal on my list will remind me when I feel weak.