stop thinking

If I say or think (safer!) the lyrics when I’m listening to a music, I stop thinking. I never remember the lyrics, I’ll try to pay more attention.. (well, I tried today and it lasted a few seconds).

A few days ago I realized that I stopped dreaming/imagining.

What a shock! I’ve always been dreaming about some boys, my neighbor, a guy in the street, a friend of a friend…, always been imagining romantic and dramatic stories where I would be savagely loved. You know, the typical dramatic love novel such as Scarlett O’hara. Haha. I always kinda thought I should stop to read and to idealize love/passion like this – I was even dreaming of other boys/stories when being with my boyfriends! You just can’t be satisfied if you have so big expectations. But I couldn’t fight, I’m a dreamer, I kept dreaming.

And now, nothing, and I can’t remember when was the last time.. Dunno if I’m happy with that, it looks like it doesn’t make things better. Haha~!

I’m still stunned to realize that, I’m a dreamer, what’s left now Oo

I want to stop anticipating bad stuff. Sometimes I can get very angry and upset about stuff that haven’t happened yet and may never happen anyway. I can realize it and tell to myself: are you really complaining about something that didn’t happen? Just stop it! And 5min later I will be deep in these dark useless thoughts again.

I want to stop replaying events that happened before and made me feel bad. I can dream all night of a conversation I had the previous day, re-doing the scene, finding new words to express myself.. reviewing what I should have done and said.. And I’m not doing that only in dreams!

I think this is a good way to learn and improve, but the point is this is a good way to feel like shit as well..

I want to feel and enjoy more!!! Be more often spontaneous rather than responsible, be more close to what I want rather than what people think of me.

In progress.. ~!