Make really good friends

but I just do not connect with people. I feel like an alien sometimes. I can socialize with people, but I feel like I am watching it all from a distance. I know other people see this and wonder why I am so quiet. I wonder too, but I have nothing to say. I am totally dumb when it comes to conversation in situations like this. If I try to force myself to talk, I can barely be comprehensible. I used to think I was just shy, but I wasn’t even feeling anxious. Maybe I just have zero personality….

are women soooo catty?! I’d really like some girlfriends, but girls are so difficult…

It’s really hard to make friends when you’re in your 20s, out of school, work for a tiny business….
I feel really isolated :/

now that I am relocating, I hope to make a new group of friends. It’s just far enough away that I’m hoping for a fresh start. Maybe I will even meet people with similar interests – gasp! Wouldn’t that be a shocker…

She is newly single and wants to go out a lot. It’s been pretty fun, as I haven’t had any friends who like to do that stuff (they all seem to have a stick up the butt). Living at home & going out late is a pain though…my parents have been giving me a hard time. I am not a teenager here, or even in my early 20s….they need to get over it, and God knows I need to move out.

but it doesn’t seem like we’ll ever be close…I don’t know…maybe it is just me…maybe I keep a wall up. I don’t feel like these are friends who really “get” me though.

it’s been fun, playing pool & drinking beer; but I want friendships that are REAL, that go beyond “hanging out”...people I can talk to about all kinds of things….people I can just call anytime, go anywhere with, and rely on to be there when I need them. I don’t know what to call it; I guess a “kindred spirit”. Someone who gets IT and who gets ME.
Is that asking a lot?

She’s a little conservative for me…doesn’t hardly drink, doesn’t “get” the indie music I listen to, doesn’t like offbeat fashion, doesn’t like artsy fartsy films, doesn’t like different foods or sushi, considers everything to be “immature”.....and I’m not sure she gets my sense of humor either. She’s a sweet girl but I feel like I have to be a bit restrained around her….and I can be an odd one, so I don’t know how this friendship will flourish….I think we have become friends out of sheer loneliness.

My “best” friend…..and I feel a sort of separation between us. I think he is losing interest in our friendship as he has realized it will never be more.
I’m also getting very, very tired of being the shoulder for the few friends I have to cry on, but when I am down they don’t want to hear it. I’m not allowed to be depressed, because then I am just a downer. I didn’t mind being an ear to listen, I just resent that I must keep it all inside & act like I’m always okay.
Then of course I get accused of being cold, or keeping a wall up….well, what do they want from me?!
So now I feel I cannot talk to my “best” friend either, because he has a sort of disinterest in me in general, and when I did start to bring up how I was feeling, he suddenly had to “go”.

I feel like this Morrissey song (I always feel like a Moz song…):

I dont mind if you forget me
Having learned my lesson
I never left an impression on anyone

So now you send me your hardened regards
When once you’d send me love
Sincerely I must tell you
Your mild best wishes
They make me suspicious

I don’t mind if you forget me
Having learned my lesson
I never left an impression on anyone
The pressure to change, to move on
Was strange
And very strong
So this is why I tell you
I really do understand

I dont mind if you forget me
No, no, no, no

You can only be strong for so long
It may not eat you, but it will beat you
So this is why I tell you
I really don’t understand
This time

Rejection is one thing
But rejection from a fool
Is cruel

And I dont mind if you forget me

We just went out to eat. She seems a bit bland, but then my mom reminded me that I never like anyone right off the bat & that not all good friendships are instantaneous.
It’s funny, because her & I are both in similar situations; stuck in a rut socially with little connections to expand our network.
I think she was disappointed to find this out about me also, haha. Oh well…maybe we’ll end up hitting it off eventually & become such a charming pair that others are drawn to us….riiiight….