fully enjoy God's love

In the beginning, our relationship is full of romance. Now our relationship is like that of a long married couple. It’s no longer miracles and surprises. It’s mostly communication, teamwork, and cooperation. There is no need to say sorry. There is no need to say I love you. It’s all understood. We work together for each others’ goals, for our shared goals.

But then even the most solid relationship needs another honeymoon from time to time.

One of these days, I have to write a book about all the crazy instructions God gave me, and what happened when I listened, and what happened when I ignored or second guessed him.

There was one time he told me to get the hell out of a job just three months after I started it. I hesitated. That’s just not something that I do. Well, it was horrible. The stress was very costly.

There was one time he told me to go to this ballet class when I know the instructor hated me. God told me to just smile at the angry dude. I followed. I’m still taking the class.

He gave me crazy dating advice too, told me to date a variety of guys even if I already know most of them not my other half – I must give the right guy a competitive game to play.

...

This happened years ago. I used to go to a small church fifteen miles away from my home in the morning, but missed it that day because of a phone call. I had been used to go to church every Sunday to hear what God has to say to me that day. By the time it was afternoon, I felt spiritually hungry. Missing the Sunday sermon was like missing the meal of the week.

So I wondered around my neighborhood and saw a small Episcopal church just a few blocks away from my home. It has a five pm service. I was not Episcopal, but being that desperate, I decided to go to the service any ways.

There were less than twenty people there, most of them were regular attendees. Then the pastor walked in. I was totally shocked. He was stunning attractive. I couldn’t say why. He was very old, skin and bones, with only a few strands of hair left on his head. I was young in my early thirties at the time, had been going to a gym where young men worked out every day to buff up their muscles. Yet none their youthful muscles could compete with the attractiveness of this old pastor. (Later on I found out he was actually dying of cancer at the time) There was something so radiant about him. Maybe it was the peace, humility, lack of egotism, lack of self interest. He carried an aura of total obedience to a divine power. That purity was so amazingly beautiful. I almost thought I was in the presence of an angel.

Then he saw me. He paused for a moment, lowered his head, and prayed a prayer. “God, may the meditations of my heart, and the words of my mouth be pleasing to you.” That was the prayer. There were no boasting about how wonderful his congregation was. There were no ambitious claim about expanding the church. It was the prayer of a peaceful obedient heart, a heart that was infinitely more pleasing than any human accomplishment.

Today I’m so thankful for all the amazing ladies God let me meet in my twenties and thirties. They are inspirations and role models for a life time.

God, thank you for Mrs. Patton, for Mary H., for Auntie M, Auntie P, Helen M., Mrs. L. Thank you. They are graceful ladies with beautiful hearts, courageous spirits, strong characters.

I am thirty seven going on thirty eight, still well and alive. Many people do not make it to this age. Marilyn Monroe and Wolfgang Mozart didn’t even with all the joys they brought to others.

My biological parents are still happily married to each others and in love with each others. I have the rare joy of watching my birth parents holding hands like two teenagers in their gray hair.

I received unconditional godly love from my grandparents, great grandparents, aunties, uncles in my childhood.

God never fails to remind me that I am a beloved daughter of his.
He cools the weather to give me a good night of sleep. He plays a song for me through the musician performing just a few weeks ago. He takes me to live in a quiet peaceful home, where squirrels visit my deck, where birds sing in the morning and evening, where a sweet chatty creek runs through the woods that makes sweet smelling air.

For all the things I wanted but didn’t get in life.

When I was in college, I had many friends who were hooked on role playing games. I wanted to be just like them, but could never get very interested in the games, even with the support of a very addicted boyfriend. Today I am so thankful that I did not develop a gaming habit even though I tried hard acquire it.

The same goes for that boy I had a crush on when I was in high school.

And a project I once wanted to work on.

Thank God for saying no and keeping me away from what I want when I don’t have the full wisdom to know what’s truly good for me and what’s not.

Sometime God let things happen to me that seem bad in my perspective. But he intends for them to be good. He has reasons that I do not understand. I give thanks to God for all the things that seem good and bad to me – They are there all for good reasons.

It’s weird. I think God is trying to teach me a lesson. I think he’s trying to teach me that He can give me victory over any challenges in life. He can give me victory over work abuse. He can give me victory over a close friend’s betrayal. He can give me victory over a broken long term relationship. He can give me victory over any health problems. He can give me victory over any difficulties that come at me in life. All I’ve got to do to claim it is to be joyful at heart and to trust him.

- My life on earth.
- Eternal life.
- My family.
- The earth I live on. It’s air, water, beautiful vegetations.
- Life long friendships.
- My health.
- My talents.
- All the opportunities.

No matter where I work, where I live, God always provide a place for me to find peace and solitude where I can be sheltered from distractions and pray. It could be a balcony, a deck hiding behind trees, a park, a peaceful corner in the library. Even my worst nightmare job was right next to a wooded area with a pond and a hiking trail. I was able to get away from the stressful office and recharge my batteries there.

The battles were never really won in the stressful world. The answers always come in peace and prayers first. Living in this stressful hectic life is then simply an act of following the instructions obtained in peace and prayers.