My life has changed so much now. The last listed focused almost primarily on what needed done in the immediate future, how to transition out of one life and into another. Now, I have several time lines on which to work. I’ve decided rather than rank the new list, I’ll outline by time lines. All of them are interdependent and I’ll have to work on each of them daily to meet the time lines so I feel they fit as the 5 most important things in my life.
In the next 3 months: Get a job
In the next year: Diagnose, treat and learn to manage my ADHD
In the next year: Build a healthy, holistic life full of creativity and laughter
In the next 1-3 years: start to build my family by finding a partner and having my first child
In the next 5 years: Find my tribe by exploring employment and volunteer activities so that I can have a successful and enjoyable personal life
The list is now outdated but I need to take some time to decide what my top 5 really are this year. I want to focus on building a family, find the right person to do that with. I also want to be able to communicate with others better; I feel like I’m not where I need to be there. I need to solve this ADHD thing as I think it impinges on the other goals. I think I’ll take this week to think it over and get a new list up.
tonight, and wasn’t sure who was looking back. I really just didn’t recognize that woman. She’s nothing I ever remember her being before: alone in a strange world, poised, reflective, happy. When did that happen and was anyone going to tell me?
Right now. I have always struggled to articulate why I am leave my job, my career, my life of the last 10 years. Tonight, watching Brene’ Brown’s TED talks, I figured it out. I am worth more than my company values me. I am worthy of happiness and connection and family. My company won’t let me put those first. They don’t value it. I am worthy and worth more.
Since none of my previous romantic relationships have continued, I find myself asking how do I know any of my future relationships will continue. I very much enjoy S’s company and sort of just melt around him. I also know that new romance doesn’t indicate future continued success. That leaves me wondering how will I know if it’s love? How do we ever know that it will work? What odds do we place on the gambles we make regarding the rest of our lives?
Since I met S, all my thoughts have been shaken up. First, he plans to keep working for our company for at least another 10 years. My plan was to get away from the company, which will be true when I quit, but not as true as might of liked if I continue with this relationship with S. Second, it makes me ask what is really important. I want to have a purpose in life, but I keep coming back to wanting a family. Now, I know that it’s not necessarily going to happen with S, but I’m not getting younger and so this becomes my top priority. The flip side is that I’ve learned I can’t force it. No matter how badly I want this to happen, it has to flow.
So when I think of S for the long term, I wonder if it’s more important that I find a mate that suits me or if I find a place I love and then hope the right person finds me sooner rather than later. eHarmony?
The list currently looks like:
1. Find my element
2. Become what I potentially am
3. Start on my next life
4. Love myself
5. Find my happy spot again
Number 1 becomes find my element. Every thing else will flow from there.
My dad went to the hospital just now complaining of chest pains and then he was heli-evacted to a larger regional hospital. It could mean nothing (the local hospital is small) or it could be very scary. In all my life my dad has willingly gone to the hospital 2 or 3 times; only when he felt he was on death’s door step pretty much. He just refuses to go in. Furthermore, he has really high cholesterol and is a smoker. He’s supposed to live until he’s 99. I’m so scared.
that with this goal, it sort of branches. The trunk or core of it is to become what I potentially am; everything else branches off that.
The list should look like this, in order of importance:
I. Become what I potentially am
A. Love myself
i. Move on
ii. Find my happy spot again
B. Start on my new life
i. Move on
ii. Write my thesis
iii. Find my purpose in life
So it feels like I have one important thing in my life with many, many different ways to do. Seems like cheating.