live

For so long, I thought I was living the life I was suppose to be living, but each time I thought things were getting better for me, they began to get worse again. I realized that I was living life by the moment, and I wasn’t truly happy. I was trying to find happiness in people and things, but I was always ending up sad because when those things that brought me happiness were removed ultimately I was sad again. So when I now say it’s time to step out in Faith…what I mean is I’ve tried to fill in the blanks for my life for so long and ended up in the same place…when all along I should have just allowed God to guide me. Instead I tried to guide myself and ended up with the same results everytime. I just want to live and know what it’s like to be free of all my hang ups that keep bringing me down. I forgot what it was like to be me, and I’m looking forward to finding out what I am all about.

I feel like I became so co-dependant on another person, a person I fell in love with…that now that there gone… I don’t know what to do with my life. They were my support system and now that I feel like I don’t have that support, I feel like I don’t have much to live for. So I ask myself how do I live? I sleep so I don’t have to feel, but when I do this I dream about this person and when I wake up in the middle of the night I lay there and think about this person. It seems like I breathed them, which really wasn’t the best thing. I don’t know how to love without giving all of me. I never knew a love like this, until I met them. It just seems so sad to know that your spend years of your life giving the both the best and the worst of yourself, all of you…to realize your going to have to move on and try to pick yourself up and live. But right now I feel like I’m not living, but rather I am surviving.