stop answering questions that are addressed to other people

I went with my father to his doctor appointment yesterday, so I could request some tests and get some information from the doctor. He was a young man, very pleasant, and answered my questions. Several times he asked my dad questions, and my dad gave a long, rambling response. I wanted to answer for my dad, however I listened and waited. I added two pieces of information, however I mostly forced myself to listen.

I am happy with the progress I have made towards this goal.

While I had a wonderful time at the party last night, I noticed that my conversational skills took a hit in terms of not answering questions that are addressed to other people. And not interrupting people. Interesting. In an unstructured environment things change. And while I was really good about letting people talk and not interrupting, I did find myself forgetting to listen first and answer second.

My solution to this is to put myself in more social situations where I am around a diverse group of people. So I think I need to have a party. :)

I am now more aware of who is being asked a question, and who should answer the question. I will wait and let the person being asked respond. And if they don’t respond, or the question is asked a second time, to the group at large, then I may answer if an answer is needed.

Like being honest, this goal has taught me to listen. That is a positive thing.

I am going to keep this on my list as a reminder to listen to people.

I have been very aware of telling the truth when I am talking with people. It started out from this goal when I realized that I was telling “white lies” to get out of of situations I didn’t want to be in (sales people mostly). After I thought about it, there was no reason to lie when I could tell the truth. For the past few months I have only told the truth, which has made me more aware of what I say.

Last night at the neighborhood party I found myself answering questions honestly which made me very happy. Several times I was asked a difficult question and I realized that if I thought about my answer I could give a truthful reply.

I am going to add this as a goal since being thoughtful of my responses is making me happier.

Today I was very aware of listening prior to speaking. We have a standing Monday meeting where I often catch myself either answering for other people, or interrupting. Today I made a note to myself “KYMS” (keep your mouth shut). I listened, and let people answer.

There were two instances when I wanted to add more to the answer, however I realized that it didn’t matter, so I didn’t say anything. It wasn’t difficult to listen instead of talk, though it did require that I was paying attention to what I was doing. I have to be in the present (listening), instead of in the future (thinking of a response).

Good for me! I can see how this is a cycle – listening leads to remaining calm, remaining calm leads to listening. So I can’t tell if my decision to stop stressing over work has led to better listening, or if better listening has led to less stress. I think they both help me to do the other. An upward spiral to get me back to where I need to be. :)

I have been very good about not answering questions that I have not been asked. Now I need to work on not interrupting people. There are a couple of people who give lengthy answers, and during their response, tend to pause. I have caught myself interrupting them, and I want to stop this behavior.

I guess the easiest thing to do is listen until I know they are finished talking, and then respond. This will be what I want to work on next.

Wanting to jump in when I knew the answer because someone else was taking a long time to respond. I didn’t catch my behavior until after I had answered, which did make me aware that I was going back to old behavior.

The good news is that I am aware when I do this so I can check myself.

I have learned to listen more (important) and bite my tongue. It is a challenge to not answer questions when the person being asked doesn’t know much. However, it’s not my place to tell the person asking the question not to ask the person whom they are asking. I can understand how people would think that would come across as arrogant.

So I am better at letting people be ignorant.

He constantly interupts people and answers questions addressed to them. I am starting to lose it when he does this. It has reinforced the point that I should not be doing this. And I am trying to use this as a way to be more aware of just listening.

Arrrggg.

I caught myself answering questions that weren’t addressed to me! Arrgg, it’s a difficult habit to break. This may never get taken off my list since I keep slipping back into the habit. At least I am more aware of my behavior and I stop myself when I notice I am “butting in”.