be skinny

I ate sooooo much cereal today. Oh my god I suck. Oh well. I was watching Tyra and her “so what” campaign, and it made me happy to know that even that skinny girl from king of queens has cellulite. That’s got to be my saying from now on, “so what?” because i can’t do this if i hate myself. it’s easier and i’m more happy if i’m not hating myself for being fat. Yeah I screwed up today but so what? As God as my witness, I WILL NOT screw up tomorrow. And that’s all there is to it.

I did well today and yesterday. I’m quite hungry but I’ll manage. I exercised yesterday and today, nothing to drastic, just some dancing and jumping on my trampoline. I’m weighing myself on May 12th. If I’ve lost anything I’m treating myself to a day of shopping. This gets so hard, but I’m still going strong!

I exercised today and ate pretty good. For breakfast i had an orange, I ate a turkey sandwich on rye bread for lunch, steak with a small salad on the side for dinner, and grapes for dessert. I’m feeling bored now and that’s dangerous because i eat when i’m bored. i’ll have to be careful and find something to do quick. I don’t think i’ve lost any weight, but I’ve put forth the effort today and I’m proud of myself. Everyone stay strong!

Ugh I sorta succumbed to peer pressure today because I was with my friend and she wanted to eat out. Also I didn’t get any time to exercise. I was gonna do well but, alas, I cracked. I could have eaten more though, and hey, there’s always tomorrow.

I’m doin good today for the first time in a long time. For breakfast I had yogurt, skim milk, and an orange. for lunch i had some turkey with no bread. for dinner i’m having bbq chicken, but with the way i’d been eating lately, this is major progress for me. i wonder how much weight i gained on this eating rampage i have been on for like 2 weeks. i’m scared, lol. If I can avoid any snacking today i’ll be good. i’m also drinking green tea instead of diet pepsi. hooray.

I am starting over with this goal. I’ve just been stagnant for too long. I don’t know how much I weigh now, probably close to 140. Yesterday I had a binge and I’m so sorry. I ate yogurt, an entire small popcorn with butter at the movies, chinese food, lucky charms, fruit, an apple with cinnamon sugar. I feel awful. I need to start exercising and get out of this depression i’m in and start believing in myself again. I think it has something to do with everyone saying this is probably the weight I’m supposed to be, that if I want to get down to 125 I’d have to work out like crazy and barely eat, and that it’s not worth it. My sister told me why waste all that energy on some unobtainable goal that really isn’t all that special? “All that special.” Well, maybe to her it isn’t all that special but to me being thin IS special. Simply because I told myself that’s what I wanted and I’ve come so far already. In the words of Homer Simpson: “You can’t go this far and not go further!”

So I’m trying to be really diligent about my new rule to eat 200 calories every 2 hours no more no less. it’s kind of hard but its working i think. i’m getting more muscular. Also whats really weird since I started eating like a normal person is i can feel my metabolism working now almost, in a way. Where as before i couldn’t actually feel my pulse and my feet and hands always were cold and always turned blue, now i can constantly feel my heart beating and blood rushing through my body. Apparantly this means my metabolism is working properly and I’m burning calories even at rest because my hearts beating at a good rate. So remember if you have trouble feeling your pulse you’re not eating enough to lose weight!

I said I would weigh myself today before I ate but I chickened out. I’m just worried it’ll have a negative effect on me, make me give up temporarily and eat becuase i feel discouraged if i gain or don’t lose. I really like dancing for exercise but it’s harder and harder to find the time. I know I must start making it a priority. My butt is so flat, i hate it, and yet I have cellulite there. Any suggestions on how to make it go away??? Love you girls!

I haven’t written here in a while. I’ve been eating healthy recently though. It’s wierd, my metabolism is so far up that i’m always hungry now. I’m doing dancing and stuff to try to gain muscle. The changes I feel are so small though it’s annoying. I haven’t weighed myself in so long but i’m scared to because if i’ve gained i’ll kill myself! Keep workin, thin brigade!

I’ve been away on vacation, so i haven’t gotten a chance to post recently. While I was away, i ate sooo much!!! But I also did a lot of exercise, and because of this I can feel serious muscle now. i won’t weigh myself because I’m too scared. but my body won’t lose weight unless i feed it. i have the body type that gains muscle really easy but stores fat when i deprive it of nutrients. so i’m going to continue eating normally. this is so hard for me, but i’m going to take a leap of faith and think i’ll still lose weight if i eat.