stop domestic violence

As part of my contribution to the 16 days I want to introduce you to two websites about the problem of Domestic Violence

Unifem (Unicef program for women)”Say No to Domestic Violence”
website: http://www.unifem.org/campaigns/vaw/
There’s a place to sign your name to a document calling for governments to make this domestic concern a priority. Photo from their website.

and the Family Violence Prevention
http://endabuse.org/about/

I signed up for emails from FVP and they are always informative.

Thanks for reading -

PT

In Memory of M.C.B., victim of domestic violence

“Violence against women is perhaps the most shameful human rights violation. It knows no boundaries of geography, culture or wealth. As long as it continues, we cannot claim to be making real progress towards equality, development, and peace.”
Kofi Annan,
United Nations Secretary-General

Characteristics of an abusive partner
‘Till death do us part… ’ all too real for some couples, early warning signs

By Clint Van Zandt

Each year almost three-quarters of a million Americans experience some kind of non-fatal domestic violence. In the U.S., the number of people involved in emotionally and physically abusive relationships is about eight million. The decision you make about your partner or spouse will, in part, determine whether you live a life of personal satisfaction and fulfillment or experience years of frustration and fear, emotionally chained to someone who abuses you emotionally and perhaps physically.

Most relationships begin with an introduction. One might first take positive notice of the other person, perhaps identifying him or her as someone they’d like to get to know better. It is at this time that we need to know the warning signs of an abusive individual and use these signs as a kind of personal litmus test as we perhaps consider this person for a long-term relationship. Knowing the characteristics of such an individual can help you avoid the emotional and physical pain that accompanies an abusive relationship.

A third of all women experience at least one or more physical assaults by a partner, while a smaller but still significant number of men experience similar assaults. Four women are murdered by an intimate every day in the U.S., while another 600,000 muster up the courage to report that they had been assaulted by a boyfriend or husband, while others suggest that somewhere between two to four million women are actually assaulted by an intimate every year in the U.S. Women are 10 times more likely than men to be assaulted by a partner or spouse. Unemployed men are twice as likely to be batterers as those employed full-time.

Most know that members of both sexes can and do bear the emotional scars that are inflected on them by someone who initially professed to care for them. Therefore your choice of a friend, partner, or spouse is the most important emotional choice you will ever make, one that can have significant long-term consequences if you make the wrong decision. Every time I have lectured on abusive relationships some women and a few men attending the lecture put their heads down, their eyes welling up as they think about the abuse they have suffered at the hands and in the presence of a significant other. “If only I had known,” they later tell me.

Most who marry today hold out some hope that they will spend the rest of their life with their spouse, establishing a home, raising children, experiencing the joy of grandchildren, and perhaps dying in bed together some 50+ years later of old age. Most also realize that upwards of 50% of marriages end in divorce. Therefore half of us will never realize our marital dreams, at least not with our first spouse. But we hope, pray, plan, and work toward this goal anyway. Although some accept the remote possibility that their marriage will not work out, few anticipate that they will be the victim of severe domestic abuse by their spouse. After all, who would willingly enter into a relationship that endangered you or your children?

According to a study by the Harvard School of Public Health, the United States accounts for 32% of the female population among the 25 highest income countries. But, ominously, among these 25 nations, the U.S. has 70% of all female homicide victims and 84% of all females killed by a firearm. This same study confirmed that women are more likely to be killed at home by their spouse, ex-boyfriend, or some other intimate, while men are murdered away from their home. In the U.S., about two-thirds of the husbands who kill their wives have been drinking, almost 25% have been using drugs, and 12% have a history of mental illness. Half of all women killed by their husbands are shot, and another 20% are stabbed to death. Although no one can accurately predict which man or husband will murder his partner or wife, there are signs, characteristics and indicators that should not be overlooked. These include:

The Characteristics and Early Warning Signs of an Abusive Spouse or Partner

History of abuse as a child.

History of his/her verbal or physical abuse of parents, family, and friends and even pets.

History of acts of vandalism or other crimes, especially those of violence against others.

Lack of a positive male role model in the home, or the presence of an abusive male or female authority figure in the early or formative years.

Exhibits a violent temper along with poor conflict resolution skills.

Needs always to be in control of situations and those closest to him.

Is usually jealous and may spy on friends and family.

If male, he views and owns pornographic materials and may spend hours on the Internet without allowing you to see what he is into.

Abuses alcohol or exhibits other kinds of substance abuse.

Has a very low or especially high self-image; if male, a “macho” man, possibly connected to his physical stature, or his educational or professional background or occupation.

Is unable to talk about or discuss his personal feelings.

Insensitive to the feelings of others – he does not feel your pain.

Lies frequently, many times for no apparent reason.

Cannot admit to guilt or responsibility in any situation.

Remember: Knowing these early warning signs can help you “self-screen or screen out” those who could be abusive in a personal relationship.

The number one cause of death for pregnant women is murder by their unborn’s father. Additionally, we know that about 75% of domestic homicides occur during or around the time of separation and abandonment.

No one who marries usually expects to be murdered by the one closest to them. But for hundreds of women on a yearly basis, the one they trust the most commits the ultimate betrayal.

The finality of our vow of marriage many times includes the phrase, “until death do us part.” Few understand that this vow can sometimes suggest a lethal form of separation, and the most severe statement about your life that someone so close to you can make. If you are considering a new relationship, know the early warning signs of an abuser and avoid him or her like the bird flu. If you are already in such a relationship, or know someone who is, seek help and assistance. The abuse will not get better by itself. It will not go away, and it may even kill you.

Clint Van Zandt is an MSNBC analyst.
URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11347968/

Sep 15, 2006 7:32 pm US/Eastern

Baseball Bat Attack Leaves Teen, Baby Injured
(CBS 3) PHILADELPHIA Philadelphia Police are investigating a gruesome baseball bat attack that left a teenager and a baby seriously wounded Friday.

The attack happened around 12 p.m. in 800 block of East Tioga Street.

Police say a 19-year-old woman and her 17-month-old niece were beaten by the woman’s ex-boyfriend.

The suspect, police say, entered the home through a rear window and allegedly assaulted the teen, who was babysitting her niece and eight-month-old nephew at the time.

Both victims were taken to Temple University Hospital where the baby is listed in critical condition and the teen is listed as stable. Her nephew was not injured.

Police say no arrests have been and East Detectives and the Special Victims Unit are investigating.

(© MMVI, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)

Today another woman died
and not on a foreign field
and not with a rifle strapped to her back,
and not with a large defense of tanks
rumbling and rolling behind her.
She died without CNN covering her war.
She died without talk of intelligent bombs
and strategic targets
The target was simply her face, her back
her pregnant belly.

The target was her precious flesh
that was once composed like music
in her mother’s body and sung
in the anthem of birth.

The target was this life
that had lived its own dear wildness,
had been loved and not loved,
had danced and not danced.

A life like yours or mine
that had stumbled up
from a beginning
and had learned to walk
and had learned to read.
and had learned to sing.

Another woman died today.
not far from where you live;
Just there, next door where the tall light
falls across the pavement.

Just there, a few steps away
where you’ve often heard shouting,
Another woman died today.

She was the same girl
her mother used to kiss;
the same child you dreamed
beside in school.
The same baby her parents
walked in the night with
and listened and listened and listened
For her cries even while they slept.

And someone has confused his rage
with this woman’s only life.
-Carol Geneya Kaplan

From the Domestic Violence Handbook http://www.domesticviolence.org/

Action Needed to Reduce Domestic Violence in the Military
June 29, 2006 from http://endabuse.org

Because the Department of Defense (DOD) does not gather adequate information and keep complete records on domestic violence incidents, it cannot fully assess and address the problem, finds the Government Accountability Office (GAO) in a report released in May. The GAO found that DOD has insufficient data on the disciplinary actions taken by military commanders against service members charged with perpetrating domestic violence, and that more work is needed to establish confidentiality for victims and to train personnel to respond effectively to abuse.

The DOD’s domestic violence database does not capture data from all law enforcement systems. Without complete data, Congress and the Pentagon lack the “information needed to understand the magnitude of the domestic violence problem, identify domestic violence trends and address emerging issues,” the GAO report says.

It recommends that DOD “Take actions to address domestic violence data deficiencies, provide adequate personnel and a strategy for communicating its policy changes, maintain chaplain training data and establish an oversight framework.” DOD leaders agreed with most GAO recommendations, except for one that says domestic violence protective orders issued by the military should also be reported to law enforcement and family advocacy officials. The DOD cited privacy concerns as its reason to oppose that recommendation.

Congress required the DOD to establish a task force to assess the services’ response to domestic violence and recommend improvements in 2004. In the past three years, the DOD has provided $23 million to implement recommendations and made some progress in changing the military response to domestic violence, the GAO report says. In April the DOD issued a policy allowing victims to report domestic violence to specified people without notifying command.

A copy of the GAO’s full report is available at http://www.gao.gov/new.items/d06540.pdf

10 Murder-Suicides Occur Each Week in America New Violence Policy Center Study Reveals

May 9, 2006

• Six states had more than 10 murder-suicides in the six-month study period: Pennsylvania (18); Texas (18); California (17); Florida (15); North Carolina (14); and, Tennessee (11).

• Ninety-four percent of the offenders in murder-suicides were male.

• Seventy-four percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner (spouse, common-law spouse, ex-spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend). Of these, 96 percent were females killed by their intimate partners.

• Most murder-suicides with three or more victims involved a “family annihilator”—a subcategory of intimate partner murder-suicide. Family annihilators are murderers who kill not only their wives/girlfriends and children, but often other family members as well, before killing themselves.

• Forty-seven children and teens under the age of 18 were murdered in murder-suicides.

• Most murderers in murder-suicides are older than their victims.

• Seventy-five percent of murder-suicides occurred in the home.
  VPC Legislative Director Kristen Rand states, “Murder-suicide wreaks havoc on hundreds of American families each year. Much more needs to be done to understand and prevent murder-suicide. One key aspect of prevention is reducing access to firearms, by far the weapon of choice in murder-suicide.”

The Violence Policy Center is a national non-profit educational organization working for a safer America through research, analysis, education, and advocacy. To obtain a copy of the study, visit the VPC’s web site at http://www.vpc.org.
www.vpc.org.

Is

1-800-799-SAFE

If you need it.

We have had three incidents of wives killed by their spouses here in the Philly area in the past couple days (as well as a baby thrown against an aquarium.)
And, today, a man ran over his wife three times with his van. Another man killed his wife, two children, then himself near here in NJ.
Sigh.

And get involved in some way….this is my goal