have to figure out health insurance. and send papers in about ssdi. work on that stuff today.
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PepperyJasmine has written 95 entries about this goal
dealing with all the pets. jack can’t use the litter box and shreds the liner every time. he also fights with the dog and the other cat. however i love him so much i would hate to lose him. i am going to try to give him to one of my neighbors if possible.
money – i am getting the check from my stocks. f is probably right that i should not depend on my mom so much for money.
i want to convince f that we don’t have to keep pilot.
I don’t like having 2 cats and 1 dog in the small condo. I want to get rid of one of the cats. The 2 cats fight and it’s stressful. I think we can’t keep P. it’s sad but I don’t like dealing with this many pets in a small space.
I will tell F. I will take the cat to the spca.
I feel like a bad person for doing it, but it is just too stressful and it’s not worth it.
-keep a budget. every thursday go over spending (what do i need to spend money on?) how can i save money…
interrupted or no sleep from snoring—leads to anger, yelling, etc.
fix this by sleeping in the other room, make sure the bedroom is clean & comfortable & we go to sleep early, this helps with good sleep.
being alone when f is at work. trying to go to the gym so i’m not stuck at home. don’t have motivation to clean… eating too much. only keep healthy food or cook vegetables. (ie artichokes, roast vegetables, make soup.)
clean the carpet, vacuum…
for motivation? watch 10 min of tv, then turn off, or do a yoga pose, take vitamins, call a friend, make a list of motivations.
motivations for work when home alone:
1) yoga pos3
2) 10 min nap
3) read book
4) 10 min tv
5) call a friend
5) play guitar
6) write in 43things or in journal
7) take a bath
8) walk around the block
9) walk or drive to park, walk around park
10) ride bike on path
11) give baci a shower
moving. i am basically moving in with f but i want to know that we are going to get married if we are moving in together. i’m not 100% certain about it i guess, but i do want it. and you have to book waaaay in advance. but i need to figure out my money situation first.
how to reduce stress?
had a very romantic and nice week with f when we talked about getting married etc. then yesterday we were at Santana row and he was saying, “lets just stay engaged forever.” so whatever. now I feel super depressed and sad and I just want to stay in bed all day. I feel like there is no future in this relationship, like he doesn’t love me, and like what’s the point? why did he give me this engagement ring if he doesn’t want to get married? his cousin was engaged to a woman for TWENTY YEARS until she broke up with him. oh man. I have a sinking feeling the only way i’m actually getting a wedding is if I get pregnant. and I would want to fix my medication first. and what if i’m already pregnant? none of this is the right way.
i’m so angry. and depressed. I can’t make him want to marry me, I’ve seen my mom go down that path for like 10 years, trying to make herself into the person she thinks her “boyfriend” wants her to be, and she just can’t do it. sometimes people just can’t do it. and if f doesn’t want to get married, I can’t make him want to. and it isn’t even his fault, a big part of it is not having enough money. if I had a job or was making more money, or if my mom gave me more money it would definitely be easier for us.
so that’s a huge part of it too. they’ve done studies that show that wealthier people have more successful marriages.
so I should try and get a job. but if I get an 8-5 I will never even see f because he works in the evenings. but then maybe we could afford to get married.
I should apply for a job at manpower. even a temp job is better than nothing.
check refrences: sutter hospital, ccw
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