get over my crush

I feel ok saying I have done it. I have gotten over my crush. I don’t know what inspired me to feel so confident, but I am. And I know it is true. So tata first goal! It feels wonderful to move on. It’s funny because my best friend and her boyfriend broke up on Thursday, and today she told me she’s over him. I know it seems to fast, but don’t judge her, she’s found her way. It’s weird how different we are in that aspect, it takes me months to get over a crush and her a few days to get over a boyfriend, but I am so happy for her. Maybe she was my inspiration. The point is, I am done. And once again free.

On Sunday I told my friends that I was over my crush. Or at least for now. For some reason I feel like that made it official. But not official enough for me to say I have completed this goal. I want to see him one more time. Just once so that I will know for sure when I look at him.

Things have been going really well with getting over him. I deleted all the texts. I don’t think about him as much. I’ve stopped fantasizing us together. It is not as clear as the last time I got over a crush, but I’m starting to believe that I am truly over this guy. The one thing that makes me doubt myself is that I haven’t seen him in two months and I feel like if I ever do see him again, I will go through this all over again. But I probably won’t see him again. By believing I am over him, maybe I actually will be. I can imagine myself with with other people now, though. Perhaps I am just searching for the same security as last time, but this time is possibly different. It feels like it is happening gradually. I guess I will wait and see.

How: Stop thinking about him and realize how it will never be. working on it.
When: by August

I’m gonna do this for all my goals. It will bring everything into perspective. Even though I may not get it done by the time I want to, at least I’m setting goals.

It’s getting easier. Here in DC, where I’m ot as bored as I am at home, I think about him less. So it’s better. Going with the flow is hard for me, so the battle continues…I’m stronger than this though. I know I am. I don’t feel like it is right to keep liking him, and this is how I intend to stop. I hope to accomplish this goal before school starts in the fall (i want to be open minded for the new guys I will see :D). The only problem is, I said the same thing like a month ago. And just look where I am now.

My friend’s bf knows about my crush. It was ok. He promised not to say anything. Does anyone know “Falling Slowly” by ONCE? I like that song. Maybe I’ll paste the IM conversation, but i may be too personal.. I actually dont want to talk about this right now. Strange.

The reasons why I need to get over him:
1) He doesnt like me. trust me, not like that.
2) He’s too flirtatious
3) Now that he’s not going to my high school, I will probably never see him again.
Well, that’s sadly the best I can do. But I think I know what’s good for me, and liking him when it is soooo obviously not going anywhere isn’t on my list of “things to do so I can live a better life”. Not that the list even exists. In writing at least.
One thing I don’t understand is why my best friend’s boyfriend seems to care so f**king much. I do understand that he and my crush are like really close, but dude, is it necessary for him to call out on his friend’s excessive flirting with me? Like seriously. But then again he’s my friend too and maybe he’s just trying to protect me. You know what’s darkly funny? The fact that as if the torture of liking my crush is not enough, my best friend’s boyfriend guessed it. Who, may i remind you, is friends with my crush. That’s right folks! My crush’s friend knows I like him. If anything leaks I swear I will…anyway, he better not say anything. I cant ask him to keep quiet without admitting it. I will not admit it openly! ARG!!!
This entry may be very confusing because I’m not using names, but if you understand it, please help! What do I do? About everything?

PS. I DO have more than one best friend. It’s just that one seems to be really involved in this. Not exactly in the most helpful way. No offense. Really. I’m a good friend. It’s just that she was so insistent on me liking this guy and now her boyfriend knows and it all just sucks.

The following is a comment I left for someone who had accomplished this goal. I was reading some of her old entries and she referred to snapping thoughts of her crush out of her head using her wrist, and a rubber band. I just thought I said somethings that really describe how I feel right now. Enjoy:

I Know

Gosh! I know exactly how that feels. My old crush was the same way. I never used the “rubber band method”, but more of a method of mental self discipline. I would just shake my head, as if shaking thoughts of him from my mind. No matter where I was, or who I was with I would shake my head vigorously, but it was very short and brief.Sometimes I would curse under my breath, as if reprimanding myself. I would replace memories of him with thoughts of the randomest things, and believe it or not it worked. I am currently suffering from a similar temporary insanity with yet another guy, but for some reason I find ways to justify thinking about him. And to be honest, I want to think about him. It’s like being an expert at playing piano, but getting your fingers cut off and becoming a novice again. Except this time you have to learn with your toes.

When I think about my previous crush and the struggle to get over him, I remember the feelings of being trapped and hopeless and hopeful at the same time. It sucked eggs. And big whoop, here I am again. It’s funny though because I can say I’ve accomplished this goal, but part of me doesn’t think that’s fair.
And part of me worries that I am cursed and/or scarred for life. Will I ever like a guy who likes me back? Is it even worth trying?

This is probably my favorite goal to write about. I like writing about him. I like thinking about him, and I hate it at the same time.