I’ve become interested in this topic in the past few years and I’ve done a lot of research and thinking and arguing about it. I haven’t yet fully figured it out but I have a lot of thoughts about it.
First, when marriage was “invented”, people only lived until perhaps their 40’s, so “forever” wasn’t actually that long. According to evolutionary theory, humans did not evolve to love (although we are obviously capable of it), we evolved to procreate. Therefore I think the limiting nature of marriage goes against biology. In addition, our culture that looks down on divorce as something immoral is a big problem. Even if there are children involved, I think it’s best that the couple get divorced if they feel things aren’t working out.
Second, probably because of legal issues I’m not thinking about but also likely because of our very religious “family values”, it’s incredibly hard and expensive to get a divorce. If you’re realistic enough to realize that you may not be with someone forever, it’s practical to avoid marriage in order to avoid divorce.
Thirdly, weddings are an incredibly lucrative industry and still a sexist and racist institution, and we risk playing into this. Girls are still marketed to in order to make them desire “their special day” (a very expensive white wedding) from a very young age, and the market still plays heavily to white women. And seriously it’s just gross to see woman shoving that big rock in my face once they’re engaged – it’s materialistic in the silliest way – it’s not even useful!
Fourth and perhaps the most philosophical, why get married? What does marriage really mean? How does it change the relationship (besides all the legal benefits – by the way, why do married people get legal benefits? Why not couples living together?)? I know this isn’t universal, but it has always bothered me to see people get married because of a lack of trust, assuming that perhaps if the bonds are stronger, the other is less likely to stray. If you’re worried about that, why are you together? Similarly, I’d always assumed that getting married is like the final frontier – the step that says “I feel the most I can feel for you”, something that validates the relationship. I’ve come to think that this is complete crap. If you feel that your relationship isn’t good enough unless you’re married, your relationship isn’t good enough. What does marriage change in the relationship? Nothing. Right?
Lastly what’s the deal with the officialness of a wedding? Lets say my partner and me (together 5 years now) wanted to have a party celebrating our relationship, but didn’t want to have a wedding. Who would come to that? Everyone would probably think we were conceited or something, what’s so special about our relationship that they should fly 6000 miles and bring us gifts? Yet no one thinks twice when it’s a WEDDING. Weird huh?
Anyway I probably sound like an ass cause I get fired up about it. I think getting married is fine, but I am uninterested in engaging in it for political reasons.
