get a boyfriend

I will keep this goal but also add “Get married.” That’s the real goal. I guess you can’t get married without having a boyfriend, hahaha.

Still no progress on this front, I’m afraid. It’s a bit sad. I feel very frustrated.

Yeah, I just read that last entry. Wow! Eons ago. Much has happened, although not with him. Yeah, he put me in a show but he’s delusional so I was the only one in it. Hahahaha.

But, there was some cable coverage so you never know. Anyway, after that, he disappeared and I didn’t bother to stay in touch.

But on a sad note, I did participate for 4 months in a sinful relationship with an ex who is now married. Yeah, all those years of celibacy down the drain. Definitely happened in a flash, then it was like getting caught up on a storm. Very tormenting time. We’re just super attracted to one another but so much time had passed since the last time I saw him that… plus I had such a bad taste in my mouth from our past relationship that I didn’t think I would get into him.

Anyway, through a lot of prayer, I managed to pull myself from that relationship in September. I feel so good about that! I feel like now there is some hope that things will be better for my life in general. I guess I just feel like you can’t really have good if you’re doing bad.

Nobody on the horizon. Well, there’s always New Years’s Eve!

Well, I almost had a boyfriend. Hahahaha. I’ve been hanging out with this guy I met at an art opening. He’s really tall and honestly, that’s 90% of the attraction! He also seems a bit crazy, a little off but harmless. Two of my friends met him. He wants to put me in an art show and help promote me. Of course I’m totally into it.

I wasn’t really thinking about him in anyway other than platonically until last week. We’re way different when it comes to thinking about sex. For him, apparently, it’s the end all/be all. For me, I’m waiting until marriage (None of my friends think I can, since I’m not a virgin but I’m deadset on sticking to this)

For him, he’s rebelling against the super strict religious upbringing he had. For me, I find a lot of freedom in keeping my legs closed…a liberation that I never had before. My life is much less complicated.

Anyway, so things have been going well until the other day when I bugged out and, I think, got a little too needy/attached. I dunno. I’m so impatient and once I decided that I like you, I really want to see you…a lot. Hahaha.

We have a good vibe and my friends think he’s into me. It’s really hard when we part, like when he goes home.

However, I have a really bad temper and the other day, he didn’t text me back. It’s a long story but I was out clubbing with friends and really wanted him to join us. I texted him and he didn’t text me back, this was almost two days ago. I haven’t heard from him although I know I will. But he has to go on ice b/c of it. Sorry, the not texting back thing is a big no no. Maybe he thinks he finally “got me” since I resisted him emotionally for so long (well, it’s only been a few weeks).

The other thing that happened is that he assumed he was going to see me yesterday without really asking me. Hmfp! No. So I told him that I wasn’t free, which was true. But the fact that he assumed sort of got to me.

In any event, I’m pulling way back and won’t take his calls or respond for a good couple of days. Everyone thinks I’m over reacting but, and I know this is bad, you have to train them. Hahahaha!

I’ve had two ex-boyfriends come back into my life. Both are unhappily married and heading to divorce. Too bad. I guess my hunches were right after all.

One, I believe, thinks he can get back together with me. Our relationship was 3 years of all smoke and mirrors. He’s now married to the woman he betrayed me with. Interesting.

I’m not attracted to him anymore and God knows I don’t need no sin on me!

We can be friends. He lives very far away, in a different state. That’s good. He was here last week. He told me I was beautiful. That’s the right thing to say.

He’s coming back next week. We’re supposed to go for drinks. We will.

What else? I’m grasping at straws right now. The tiniest thread exists by way of introduction to a guy who from a past interest. I plan to milk it for all it’s worth. I met him once and he’s tall and interesting. That’s enough.

Ok, honey showed up late and, what! HE WAS AT LEAST 20 YEARS OLDER THAN HIS PIC! No lie. He was also 2 inches shorter and much less built!

I don’t get it! Does it make sense to lie on your profile knowing that your entire game plan is to meet the person and that the person, unless she is Helen Keller, will see the difference between the person and the pic.

Not to mention that deception is deal breaker in a relationship. Why start out that way?

Ok. I’m on hold for now. I can’t help but thing that the old fashion way of meeting a guy is best.

A word to the wise, just be yourself!

I have my first online date. Well not the absolute first. My first was 2 years ago and it sucked tremendously!

We’ve spoken on the phone a few times and he seems cool. I’m a little worried about 3 things:

1 – that he’s planning a very long date today. I’ve read that it should really only last an hour so that neither person feels trapped.

2 – when he was married, he cheated on his wife more than once. He said that he was duped into marrying her (pregnancy) and that he never grew to love her which I believe is true. However, infidelity is nasty habit that can be hard to break – - I’m assuming.

3 – he doesn’t believe in the virtue of controlling the mind’s impulses. That’s just a straight turn off.

We’ll see how it goes.

On another front, I went to a thematic get together yesterday. Because it was computer based, there were mostly guys. It’s so funny how easy it is for people to talk when there is a specific theme, especially if it’s career related. I guess I’m saying that if we had all just been at “a party.” the whole vibe would have been different.

The online thing is better, I guess. I had a great conversation with one guy on Friday. I talked a little too long, over an hours. It was a great conversation though because he’s into IT. He said he’d call last night and didn’t. I was too tired to talk anyway but surprised he didn’t call.

He’s tall, stable and intelligent.

Then, a really cute guy contacted me via email. I emailed him back and was really flirtish. He emailed me back but I’m waiting for him to email me again. I don’t want to appear to eager.
He’s short which is not good but he’s super cute.

There was another guy, an artist but I think I scared him off. I just mentioned to him that a friend told me that it’s not good to email a lot and not meet. She said it can be a waste of time if you finally meet and there is not chemistry. So after, that, he hasn’t contacted me at all. It also could be because I asked him where he was from. His English was horrible. Maybe that scared him away too.

I need to make some rules. One is that I don’t communicate with people who can’t write or use English properly. And especially not with those who write in all caps.

The other thing is to not communicate with guys who try to be too intimate in their emails or description.

Anyway, here’s looking at me kid!

The online thing has been a bit strange. Have I met someone that I think is “the one”? No, not at all. I actually haven’t met anyone in person, just emailing. One guy gave me his number so I’ll probably meet him this week in public.

My friends say that casual dating is key but I’m too lazy for that. I would much rather just already know someone or meet someone at my job or church. The job thing could get tricky. There’s a really cute guy at my job and we work together but I don’t dare go there! I know that he would though, that’s unbelievable.

I am having the most difficult time being with someone. It’s unreal.

Last night I went out and me and a friend tried to “get to know” a bunch of guys near us. She actually is married and was just trying to help me out. No luck! They were kind of snooty. DAMN! He was really cute.

Meanwhile, my guy pal that I’ve known for 1/2 a year is getting on my nerves a bit. I think he’s being passively aggressive. I’m glad nothing ever happened between us.

i joined yet another online dating service. The vibe of this one seems cool. It’s www.justsayhi.com There are some cuties there. I did one get one obscene email. Get a life!

It seems like a lot of trouble but going out would be good. I’ve been doing a lot of yoga so the bod is on point. That’ 90% in the beginning stages. Entrapment so to speak.

I really need to be with someone. I’m at the point where I’m reaching out to random guys psychically. Guys are really sensitive in that way. I guess I’m good at “unspoken glances.” All I’m trying to do really is get a vibe. You know? Trying to learn something… being curious.

Anyway, I’m going back to the club tonight for a visit. If I see D I WILL ask for R’s phone number. I have nothing to lose.

So, tonight I’ll be drinking. That’s good. My job is getting on my nerves and I didn’t go out the other night cuz no one would go with me. At least I have ready made drinking buddies.