find happiness

“Somedays I feel like shit. Somedays I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit…”

This is how I feel. I want to be happy, but no matter how hard I try there are countless people cheering for my failure. My family isn’t always behind me and I feel as though they keep bringing me down. I honestly just want to move far away from here and never speak/see/write them again. I know that sounds harsh, but until I find happiness I want to be left alone.

I keep getting these feelings that I’m going to die. And that isn’t helping much. I feel like I’m never going to be complete. No one is ever going to meet the expectations that previous people set and such.

Gawk. What is happiness and where can I get it for free?

I have learned that falling in love is happiness. However, falling out is not. There are so many things in this world that I am unhappy with. But, I can not fix everything. I’d like to think and say that I am happy. But lying to myself never got me anywhere. There is no book on how to make myself happy. No one knows, not even myself and so I will strive to be this and that and fulfill all of my wildest dreams hoping that I will find that “something”, the one thing to make it all complete. With or without him, I WILL find happiness.