Be nice to my fiance

He’s working his ass off for me. He’s paying for my breast augmentation in May and my ticket to Canada in July. He’s saving money to get a nice apartment, and take mya and I to Jamaica .. I dont know what the fuck I did to deserve a guy that treats me like a queen .. he could do far better then me .. I wonder why he loves me sometimes.

My baby has been so good to me for as long as I can remember. He’s never once raised his voice, or called me a bitch. Who said girls marry guys like their father, what a load of shit. My boy is the complete opposite. He never forgets my birthday, he never yells, never hits, never takes drugs, never sleeps around, never ever hurts me !.

Its totally strange .. he never argues with me, he just defends himself. Im pretty sure that whatever drama go’s down in our relationship arises directly from my irrational thinking and behaviour. I say some pretty silly shit sometimes, stuff I dont mean, just to get a reaction and a bit of attention. I get fully worked up and start beleiving the bullshit I make up in my head. Its funny how it usally occurs just before he has to go to work. Still, I know he doesnt think its funny.

He’s told me that it feels like I keep him hanging off the edge of a cliff, and I could stomp on his hand at anytime n force him to let go. Im so sorry for that, but I cant help it. Ive come to realize in the last few years, that im quite self-destructive in many ways .. especailly when it comes to relationships. Im so thankful he knows me inside and out. He’d never let me go .. even if I did stomp on his hand .. he’d stalk me for the rest of my life if he survived, and im sure he would. Anyway. Thats no excuse to go on creating drama, especialy when it hurts him and stresses him out. Ive gotta get my shit together and start being nice .. and normal.

Ive just been lisening to the miseducation of lauryn hill, and theres this one song. Im sure my partner and I can both relate to it. Im the one playing games, and he’s the one getting messed about, but it doesnt matter, coz no one loves him more then me, and no one ever will .. and vice versa

%{color:blue}LAURYN HILL
“Ex-Factor”%

%{color:purple}It could all be so simple
But you’d rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will%

%{color:purple}Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can’t stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will%

%{color:purple}{Hook:}
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain’t workin’
It ain’t workin’
And when I try to walk away
You’d hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy%

%

Im gonna hit him up for some cash .. actually no .. im gonna hit him up for his new credit card number