wish on a shooting star right now I’d wish for:
1. better appetite control
2. a car
3. to instantly know everything
4. to orgasm easily
5. to be more in control of my emotions
6. to not be the devil’s advocate
7. enough with this list…
Alright, here’s the low down. I feel low right now. I don’t eat healthy and I’m not doing what I want to do right now. What do I really want to do right now? Stargaze, camp underneath the stars, fall asleep under the tiny rain of distant lights. I want to do something beyond partying or going around town or school or work. I want to transcend it. Sleep on the shores of a lake in the mountains with the glimmering water reflecting the moon’s mournful gaze. I want him by my side. I want to be at peace. I don’t want to go clubbing or bar-hopping or even travelling the world experiencing new things. I really just want to have him here with me. I want to be just the two of us or me alone. The hell with people. I’m not even sad. I just want to be alone. Not in a bad, get out of my life way. I just want to introspect and be free from sociality. I miss the real things. The natural things. Like getting drenched in the rain. Or feeling the wind lift me, the fire tempt me, the groans of the trees and applause of the grass. Life is so full of things and I’m not so sure I can do all of them. But if I have to make a choice I want it to be real and meaningful. Like the love of a family, the lightness of friends, the wholeness of love. I miss hearing his heart beating. I miss him. I want to see him again and this time I want him to actually see ME. Not me pretending to be the perfect girlfriend. The me that lives free and without reserve. I like to let my hair slash around in the wind. I like to laugh and yell and run. I like who I am. I’m like a nymph. Free as can be. But I feel so entombed. By my laziness, my parents, my ego, my fears, my demons, even my angels. WHy can’t I let them go? Why can’t I just go and be. If a shooting star passed over right now all I’d wish for is the answer. Why can’t I be me?
