My Journal

Dear J,

I’ve been doing some thinking these past few days. I haven’t been fair to you or anyone else, and I’m sorry. I have a lot of problems that I need to work on. I know that I am lazy, and that’s my greatest downfall. I know that I’ve been very selfish and I intend to change that. I’m going to learn to be responsible from now on. Also, I need to work on having better communication with you. I want to make things work, and I don’t want to lose you. Please, I need you to remind me if I happen to slip up, so that I can correct myself.

I think one of the reasons for these issues is my negativity. I have a bad attitude at times and it shows. I don’t know what gets to me at times, but whenever things have been going well for me for a while, I tend to mess it up and not even care. I start getting bored of the routine or think that I don’t deserve what I have. I don’t want to take you for granted. My self-destructive behavior really bothers me. I hope what I’m saying makes some sense. I will find a way to make it work.

Love,
me

These past few days, I’ve had an awakening of sorts. People in my life keep telling me that I am selfish. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to care about others sometimes. Since I’m also lazy, I never help out around the house and I don’t do my share. There are times when I know I’m hurting the people that matter in my life, and I just don’t give a damn. I’m terrible, I know. I really hate this about myself and feel there is a lot I need to work on.

I feel that my negativity towards a lot of things prevents me from achieving any goals in life. I need to stop this because it’s ruining my relationships with people who matter in my life. Whenever something has been going well for a while, I tend to mess it up. Reasons being: 1.)I get bored of routine 2.)I think I don’t deserve it. Or if it’s a job, I lack discipline. This self destructive cycle needs to be stopped now or I’m never going anywhere with myself.

Ugh, tomorrow my dad is making me go to church. I don’t know what to make of this. I’ve never been to church before so I don’t know what to expect.

Ok, this isn’t really a goal, but just a place to put my thoughts and whatnot. I haven’t signed on for about half a year and I’m starting to feel myself slip back again. I have to do something fast. Everything is outdated, so I’m going to be changing stuff around, adding new goals, and deleting old ones.