dump my baggage and crawl out of my coffin

Almost there; just need some more strength and faith in my self.

Yay, counselling. It’s nice to talk to someone, but I don’t know how much is changing. I fear the hidden, heavy hurt inside. I’m afraid nothing will make it go away.

All those people I hate. All those who deserve my hate for the things they did to me. I can’t pretend it’s ok, because it’s not. I don’t have to hide it anymore.

I can see it. The place a person goes that’s beyond words and emotions and petty, mundane concerns. The Truth. The Truth about yourself. The Truth about the world. The Truth about everything and everyone. I can see more and more of those things that I’m aiming for. I fear the most that I will forget it and lose sight of it. Just some more, and I’ll almost be there.

I can see it. The place a person goes that’s beyond words and emotions and petty, mundane concerns. The Truth. The Truth about yourself. The Truth about the world. The Truth about everything and everyone. I can see more and more of those things that I’m aiming for. I fear the most that I will forget it and lose sight of it. Just some more, and I’ll almost be there.

Depression makes you A: get upset because things aren’t happening and B: makes you not want to do things. Where is my inner spring of strength and motivation? Is this a case of my brain trying to sort things out behind the scenes, atking up resources like a computer with a task running in the background? Why can’t I get going? Why do I have no motivation?