be more spiritual

I’ve made more progress in the forgiveness department. I am also feeling better about myself, which makes me care a little less about what others are doing… a little. I am glad that I can now pray for the people I don’t like, and wish them well, and not harm. Because it is really cruddy to wish people to fail. So, this is making me feel better already.

I’m having trouble with this goal already. I can’t stop comparing myself to others, and then being jealous of them. Especially with this one girl I do not like at all. I have terrible dreams about hurting her, and I am always checking on her progress and hoping she fails. This is so un-Christian. I know the devil is trying to get me down, but it is so difficult to do the right thing when you want to be better than this person all the time. I feel like life is a contest. I found this one person that I think has so many faults, and I am using them as an outlet to make me feel better about myself. This is very difficult to admit publicly, b/c this is wicked, and makes me very ashamed. I need to work to want to not be so hateful, angry, and jealous. I should never wish others misfortune. It is so bad for my karma, too. I can try to not want to do this. I can start with that.

This goal used to be “get married,” but I decided to delete that goal and put this one b/c we are truly already married. I know the ceremony will happen one day, and if for some reason it doesn’t, that doesn’t mean anything. I don’t need a paper or ring to make it “official.” I need to try to stop being so obsessed with that. It isn’t b/c I think it is necessary or anything, it would just be really nice and fun. But part of me likes the “official” part, and I need to get rid of that, b/c it already is. Anyways, being more spiritual means to me to be a better Christian and be more friendly and kinder to others. It means to feel that connection with the universe. To learn about religions and myself. And probably some other things, too.