Accept how things are

and I joked with him about how I’m still just learning how to spell it. He said “are there two c’s or three?” And then we joked about the “three Cs” of Alanon which are useful when dealing with a drunk. “You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.” I had one of those weird lightbulb experience (OMG!!! There are 3 Cs in the word Acceptance!) that I often have at moments like this. I really can’t make anyone be nicer, more respectful, act like they “should” with me. And it’s no use to wish them to change when they’ve been like this as far as I can remember. My brother and I have become estranged at this point, and this seems to be the best solution for now. I was trying to stay in touch, and clearly he was having difficulty with it and behaving in a passive aggressive way. I wrote him a letter letting him know it’s been difficult for me and that I needed to let it go/give up, and also told him that I wish him well, etc., etc. I’ve been a lot happier since then.

(There is a fourth C which is tacked on in the end: Choices. So once you accept the situation for what it is, rather than having some illusion around it, then you can make a healthy choice. I hope that is what I’ve done. All I know is that I don’t feel miserable like I did right up until I made it.)

I almost turned into a puddle of water about this, and then I read the supportive posts and felt alright with the world again.

I just had an argument with my brother. I was upset with him that when i found out he would be in town for a college football game the same weekend of my graduation, he sounded more frustrated than pleased that it might conflict with his game. He got somewhat agitated. I talked to him about this tonight, and he got angry with me and told me “don’t give me any lip”. And then he asked if I had anything more to say, because he was going to hang up the phone. So that was it. He actually said “Don’t give me any lip”!! I just wanted to feel like my graduate school graduation ceremony would be more of a priority than his football game.

I talked to a friend later about it and she asked when it was. I told her the date, and she said there was a birthday party that weekend, but my graduation was obviously the priority. She acted the way I’d like my family to act, but never do. Thus, she has become someone who I consider to be part of my family. I have other people in my life like this, too.

It’s a dilemma for me with my graduation coming up, though. I haven’t received much support from my family at all during this time (4 years), but boundless support from particular friends. I am not sure who to invite, but want the people who have been here to support me the whole time to be there. So that probably wouldn’t be my family of origin.

He really said “Don’t give me any lip.” Amazing!