Be a better friend

after I posted my last comment, someone who I considered to be a relatively backstabbing person and a gossip emailed me asking me where I’ve been and why I haven’t been coming to the parties, etc… she sounded alarmed and worried by my absence. I just responded that I’ve been fine, just busy with work and had something else planned each time there was a party. And I asked her how she is doing. That was a week ago, and she hasn’t responded. So I guess she isn’t really that worried. Or maybe I just didn’t give her any interesting information to gossip about.

Again, I’m grateful for the friendships I have today, simple, basic and trustworthy.

Things’ve changed. I seem to be having no problems with this goal. What seems to have changed has been that I’ve been moving away from people who I’ve felt ambivalent about and been staying closer to my own needs and best interest. I’ve turned down a few party invitations and kept my life more simple socially. I’m no longer in grad school, and it’s feels good to distance myself from people who are trying to recreate a high school environment.

It’s easier to be a better friend to an already good friend. So this goal is far easier than I thought.

but I’ve been thinking about friendship a lot lately. I think the reason for this is that I’m no longer with the same group that I was constantly with in graduate school. And I also saw that my support system wasn’t as solid as I would’ve liked when I was upset by something that happened over the holidays. I started to rethink my friendships. I wondered what I was doing to push people away, if I’m trustworthy enough, if I lean on certain people too much, if I’m being discerning enough with certain people. I also noticed that I have a small circle of friendships around me where we reciprocate, respect one another, praise each other. I have two friends who I could be more available to and attend to more who are genuine good eggs, one who lives right around the corner from me and the other one, up the street.

I’d also like to work on accepting the people who aren’t as available and practice loving detachment towards them (my “good time, party friends”). Rather than baring my soul to them, only to be disappointed, I’d like to keep it light with them. They can be fun at times, and maybe I should just enjoy them for that.

A guideline for friendship that I liked is here and I’ll read through it periodically to see if I’m attaining this. It’s a little bit corny, with the footprints pattern and all, but seems to be a good basic guideline.