We did go to the CN Tower in Ontario last year, in efforts to help work on my fears. I think it helped a little bit and I felt really strong for doing it. However, I had a very hard time standing on the glass floor that is thousands and thousands of feet above the streets below. I shook and had tears coming to my eyes, but I did it for a minute. It just freaked me out.
I still have to work on high places outdoors. We went to a very high Natural Bridge in a park – and stood on it (I have no idea how many feet up – VERY HIGH is all I know). I did okay if I didn’t get anywhere near the edge (if I do that—I start having a panic attack or something) and if the wind isn’t too high. That’s what gets me. If the wind is really fast, I feel like I’m falling or ‘swirling out of control’.
I think this came from being 3 years old and trying to slide down the bannister in an old old house, (top of the bannister is like 20 feet off the ground) and falling from that highest point. I fell onto a metal register/grate in the floor and fractured my right arm very badly. All I remember is climbing on the bannister, and falling and hitting HARD. Then waking up feeling awful and my arm very heavy and painful (in a cast). Ever since, I’ve been afraid of heights and have dreams also, of falling and hitting (most people just dream of falling, with no hit. I hit hard in my dream). I only dream it every once in awhile now. I used to at least once per week when I was younger.
