stop drinking

was at a BBQ Sunday and was offered a beer…I brought my Iced Tea, to help me get by. Luckly, no heavy drinkers at the BBQ. Well, their were 2 of us, and we both weren’t drinking? Hey, nice to have company on the “No Thank you to beer”
I was ‘questioned’ why I did not want a ‘beer’
I was ‘told’ how I wasn’t a ‘big’ drinker
I was also reminded that ’ you can have just 1 ‘

It just shows how interested people are in you. I’ve know these folks for 6 years now. I guess they missed me at the parties we went to, or at the pool over the summer while I was getting blasted !

I’m happy to know that i can choose to drink or not, most people don’t follow your life. The only ones who really care if your drinking or not are the ones looking for a drinking buddy!

Here’s an image for you ladies,

Went to bed last night looking forward to a good nights rest, to no avail. Woke at 3am only to toss and turn, have bad dreams and a racing mindful of thoughts.
At 6am time to rise. I have a feeling of a hang-over without the ‘pleasure’ of AL in my system. Yes, I feel like shit!
Now, my anxiety is running thoughts about getting rest tonight at 9 am in the morning. Will I be able to sleep? Hmmm…maybe a drink or 2 (3,4,5,6,7,) to relax. Blah..Blah…blah.

I have other things to deal with right now in my life.. and AL is on the lowest part of that list… and will not be a influenced in my life!

When I last attempted to remain AL free I used the 99 days of summer. Feeling that a bench mark would help with having an end in sight.
Which it did, by giving me the comfort to know I will not die without AL and that I can still handle life’s situations.
It will be 6 months free of AL on the 6th of May. Not comforting that Cinco de Mayo “deals” are pouring over the radio driving the desire to celebrate. I just keep reminding myself about the losses I suffered, even though they are small ones, and that these can become big!
As I approach my 6 month I will need to keep focus on my decision not to drink and let AL suffer the pain (to do without).

Getting ready for a busy ‘yard work’ weekend. For some reason AL wants to join me to. I was seeing a cold 6 pack nearby as I dig in the dirt on a beautiful sunny Friday afternoon. Lucky, I’m at work with just a daydream.
I decided to stop by the store and pick up a couple of jugs of iced tea I enjoy from time to time and plan on have a drinking party with it!
Well, in all in the preparation !

drinking dream Thursday night. Wife went out of town for several weeks. This is usually my ‘party’ time at home to just drink, drink, drink without any worries of the complaints from a spouse.
Not that she ever did complain about my drinking, but as we know, we drink on the down-low.
Well, I woke up Friday having the hangover feeling, more from improper sleep, but at least it was no from AL.

Spent a week away with the family and my parents. As usual totally stressful. We had a type of family reunion, but with best friends and the parents. I know they like to have a few beers ,which they do, I don’t…
So, I picked up several gallons of Iced tea to bring along. This would be my over indulgence while everyone else had a few beers. That time came and I politely declined, and I shared my $1000.00 violin story. ( read early posts )
We all laughed at my stupidity and moved along with enjoying our time and company together.
As the week went on I had several opportunities to pick-up a beer at local gas stations / tiki bar / restaurants and thought how nice it would be to have one poolside overlooking the Gulf of Mexico.
My wife and I had a chance to take a several hour walk along the beach and she wanted to stop for a quick late nite bite. She even asked me if I’d like a beer or cocktail ? Hmmmmm? I just said I’m fine…
I just didn’t do it !! all week and reminded myself there are others out there who also don’t do it…. I want to be one of them :)
almost 6 months ( I think )

1)You can’t count your hair.
2)You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
3)You can’t breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.

Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can’t say the letter ’’P’’ without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does
It too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

You have received this e-mail because I didn’t want to be laugh alone . Have a great Day. Laugh, and then Laugh and sing
It’s a Beautiful Day even when it’s not.

“Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.”

and I’d like to know, when do I start feeling normal? or knowing what is normal?
I have been dealing with feelings of depression and questioning my existence? Or, is it the boredom of life, which AL had once made “fun”.
As I type and ponder, I believe it all lies in the fact that I have an additive personality. I need to find another additive outlet which is healthy, allowing me to get the euphoric feeling.

well at least it was only a dream.
The other night while sound-a-sleep I had this horrifying dream I was out at some social event, Art opening. As usual they were serving wine and at first, I was passing on the temptation. After a few minutes of watching others enjoy themselves as they drank from their plastic cup of wine, I gave in.
All the while, I was mulling around in my head “this is not what I want to do”. Feeling guilty, I decided if I was going to drink, I am going full blast!
I actually felt drunk in my sleep…which had woke me from this dream.

After realizing it was only a dream I started to think.

Is there really going to be a happy time in my life without AL?
How do other people “have fun” without AL?

Well at least, I’m no longer an asshole to my family :)
Which, I don’t think I ever was, but the past speaks for itself

It’s funny to think at this time in the south we are just now having AL sale in the county, and on Sundays.

So, I did not have anything to drink on my b-day… It turns out it was just another day… My wife even forgot about it.
I guess it just comes along with the changes without AL and getting older. Several days ago my wife said something to the fact that I have been really pleasant and not so uptight. I can only contribute it to not drinking.
Personally, I’ve been feeling more depressed every now and then. I guess it’s depression, it maybe the fact that I have no ambitions, hobbies or desires to do anything. I look forward to bed and coffee in the morning.

Anyway,