love my job

But I am pouring more effort into my work nowadays. I decided a while ago that I can’t make myself like this job, but I can make myself do it well regardless. I feel I owe my boss, our clients, a few of the assessors, and above all, myself that much.

Though I hate to admit it, my days at work are far more enjoyable when I’m productive and useful. And now that I earn them, I don’t feel the least bit guilty about my 43T breaks!

Well, I finally fessed up to my boss that I intend to look for work elsewhere as soon as I’m done school. I offered to leave sooner, if he would prefer that, but he was just as sweet as pie suggesting that I stay on to finish up school without the stress of finding and learning a new job.

He also said that he would prefer that I stay on, if I am at all willing to reconsider.

And he praised me for handling this latest intraoffice battle with maturity and dignity.

Then today he popped into my office later in the afternoon, looked at me quizzically and asked why I wasn’t studying.

See? It’s a juicy job. I just wish I liked it!

I don’t know what, if anything, will come of it, but word around the water cooler is that the co-worker with whom I fought a couple weeks ago is FINALLY getting written up!!! She’s NEVER been held accountable for anything – not her shoddy work, not her shitty attitude, not her childish behaviour – ever. So if this rumour is true, there’ll be angels singing on high. Keep your eyes and ears open for it.

_{wouldn’t hurt to cross our fingers either!}

The week prior to the move, I had a run in with a co-worker. It wasn’t our first battle. The incident, the way our coordinator chose to handle it, and the lingering bitterness in the air have finally driven home the realization that the dynamic in our office will NEVER change while we all hang in there. I can feel that it is time for me to explore a new challenge, to step outside my comfort zone and try something new, but I’m afraid. Maybe it’s an excuse, but I feel it would be best if I could stick this out just until school is done, or better yet, until I’m out of debt. But … I recognize that I have an opportunity here to take a leap of faith, and I’m tantalized by it. I forget what it’s like to throw caution to the wind.

• I managed to write one paper for school, and I may even finish up another one this aft before I wrap up for the day.
• Completed and faxed one bursary application, and completed & faxed another form to have the school issue official receipts for another two bursary apps I have to submit next week.
• With a little online research & inquiry I managed to have a book I need for one course delivered to the most convenient pick-up spot and will go get it today after work.
• Registered for my next (last!!) two classes this summer
• Secured my summer placement site & completed/faxed the info form for the placement coordinator

Oh! And I began purging & packing various areas around the office because we move in a week! I appear to be the only one doing any packing at all, so I guess next week is going to be a busy one for me here, but that’s fine… after this week of attending to my own personal pursuits, I feel I owe them some good hard labour.

I still don’t love my job, but I DO love the fringe benefits like internet access, the fax machine & my boss’ blind eye.

Because I start my first-ever Christmas holiday in just a couple of days, I’ve really made a push since last week to get some long neglected tasks accomplished at work. None of these tasks are all that tricky, but nor are they at all interesting (to me) so it has been TOO easy to sweep them under the desk, so to speak. But lately, having so much keeping me busy and engaged at work HAS actually made my time here more tolerable. It certainly makes the days go by faster, if nothing else.

I guess in my heart of hearts I knew it, that work itself has intrinsic value, regardless of what the work involves. I just hate to admit that I COULD make a go of this job, if I really wanted to. I prefer to think of this job as SO BAD that I have no choice but to leave, but that just ain’t the case. This job has been incredibly good to me – good for me. If I leave, I must do so knowing that I am giving up many many perks here. I suppose the alternative is to hold out for a job that offers similar perks. What I do not want, is to ever look back and wish that I had stayed here. I don’t want to regret any more career decisions, so I guess I need to get real and be honest. This job is a great job, but I’m bored of it.

I’ve just been sitting at my desk, reading through the job descriptions and related information on my six prospective ‘vocational directions’, and as I was reading, I could hear this quiet but firm voice telling me “you can’t do that – everyone else in the class will be smarter” and “oh, that requires an artistic sense, move on to the next idea” and “everyone is going to laugh when they find out what you’re even considering – you won’t succeed, and even if you do, these are all stupid pursuits”.

Seriously – this is what I’m sitting here listening to while I’m TRYING to make a major-ish life decision!!!

Just thought maybe if I told you guys about it, that mean, chatty monster in my mind would shut the hell up for a minute and let me continue being excited rather than terrified about this whole idea. Jeesh!

Wow – I can’t believe I haven’t yet written anything about my four sessions of voc counselling! It was so enlightening and positive.

The first was basically an intro – Darlene explained the process, and what I can expect to take away from the counselling. She assigned me some homework (cut out any and all job ads that appeal to me – not to worry about those things for which I am not qualified. Just collect the ones that pique interest). I also had to do a couple of online tests – one on vocational interest and one ‘values’ test/survey.

In session two, we ‘took up’ my values test – she first showed me how I ranked all 24 index values, and then had me list for each of my top five values: what an employer who shared the same value would do/offer to show it in the work place; at least one celebrity/ known personality who exemplifies that value; and finally, an exhaustive list of jobs/professions that I think embody that value. That night she sent me home with a personality test to complete as homework.

In session three, we reviewed the findings from my vocational interests test/survey. It came to light that I have a flat profile, meaning I don’t have any “typical” set of interests that compare to any of the surveyed populations. Great. Means I’m looking for a one-off kind of job, not one that falls into a neat and tidy vocational category like “doctor” or “circus clown”.

In session four we took up the (Myers-Briggs) personality test, looking at the popular occupations for people who fall into the same four categories as me.

We then spent some time discussing any emerging patterns between work/jobs suited to my values, interests and personality, and my homework is to choose six vocations that fit with what was revealed through these tests, investigate each of them, and interview at least one person working in the field AND one person who teaches it, and compile as much info about each job as I can.

My fifth and final vocational counselling session, when I finally schedule it, will involve reviewing my findings and setting up ‘next steps’, such as enrolling in courses and revising my resume, etcetera.

I feel pretty optimistic about my possibilities for future employment. And as my current job just gets less and less interesting to me, I find I’m more and more eager to do my research and start job hunting.

In the meantime, I’m putting it out to the universe that I’m in the market for my perfect-fit job, and praying for synchronicity.

on Monday… I’m not sure what I’m expecting to get out of it, but am hoping for some guidance and direction – what to do with and/or after I get my degree (three courses left to go). I’m hoping to hear an objective opinion about what I’m suited to (by education, experience and training), what’s ‘out there’ and available, and what I’ll have to do to qualify.

This is what a co-worker e-mailed to everyone in the office yesterday:

“If Erin isn’t too busy doing whatever it is she does, maybe she could help out with typing the IE’s, especially when I’m not here and/or my computer isn’t working.”

Idn’t that sweet??

There was some other bitchy statements on the front and back ends of this slam, but it was less directed at me and more just a reflection of her sad, bitter self.