Start a Journal for Each of My Boys

...they don’t get opened. It’s funny because I’ve had a bit more space from them as we’ve been having a sitter (who we know and love) over a bunch more lately so I can write. So I have less time with the boys now, but I’m also just soaking in the time I do have, which of course, is not always roses cough this morning cough.

But I love them. And think of them virtually every moment of the day. How they are growing…a journal or video camera or mic could not capture their energy and all the things that keep me in awe.

...but I’m not ready to check this one off. One entry for each? Ok, I’m a perfectionistic dump oftentimes so I don’t write. Plus they are currently both on my nightstand, and by the time I enter my own horizontal position near my nightstand, it’s lights out, people.

But it’s started. I need to shorten entries up. Of course, I’d rather just videotape the whole mad scene every single moment since it’s generally all breathtaking (even if my breath is sucked out from chasing the 3 year old or from trying to tear my skin off my skin). If I can manage one a month, or one a week, then I’m crossing this puppy off.

I first heard of this idea a few years ago, browsing cool things to do with Moleskine notebooks…as if you couldn’t do them with any other type of notebook. But there was this guy who wrote a journal of sorts for each of his kids.

There are so many amazing (and hard) moments, I often forget. Sometimes I just need a small trigger to pull back the entire memory – every sense is right there at that moment.

But I struggle just starting. I thought of doing Winnicott’s Squiggle Game as a start. Someone else said, just scribble a line on a page and POOF, you’ve begun. So there’s this perfectionism thing. There’s a time thing – how much time do I devote to it? Every day? A short entry or a long entry? Try to capture many events or just a few here and there. Will I feel bad if I don’t do enough? What if one seems more insightful or articulate for one boy versus the other?

But hell, it’s a goal. Maybe I should print and save all these neurotic posts and they at least have a very real sense of how their dad’s mind works! Steer clear, boys!!