Build a loving D/s relationship

One year ago today, a wonderful man received a small box with a padlock inside from another coast, and a handwritten note with instructions on what to do with it. And one year ago today, a proud, strong woman on a different coast wore a key on a belly chain beneath her clothing, and waited for that lock to be affixed. The lock was more than a lock, it was a symbol, a bond, a promise, one that served to become so much more meaningful than either had imagined. And the key was so much more than a key, it was power and ownership, and yes, a bond, that was also underestimated. On that day, this day one year ago, the man affixed the lock to a piercing and sent word to the woman that he had done so. On that day, that man became My servant, and I his Mistress. That day changed everything, changed U/us, or perhaps made U/us more who W/we have always been. And W/we never looked back. O/our relationship has evolved since then, and O/our understanding of each O/other and O/our dynamic has deepened. I could not be happier for that day, that act, that man. He is My treasure.

The words he wrote in that life changing message:

“i am Yours. Your property rights are secured by the clasp of steel and enforced by the separation of a continent. This is no longer a fantasy. You alone hold the key. Although this lock is embedded in my flesh, You know it is more than Your assurance of chastity and fidelity. It also binds my heart to Thine. It represents my total surrender to You. It represents my total commitment to pleasing You. i will comply with Your wishes, i will follow Your orders, i will attend to Your desires, i will suffer for Your amusement if that would also please You. You need only express how i may please You, and i will endeavor to fulfill Your expectations. Give Your imagination, Your desires, Your darkest and deepest held fantasies free reign, in the certain knowledge that within this construct, i will deny You nothing.
Because
i am Yours.”

And so he is, and ever shall be.

In love lies both empowerment and vulnerability, passion and altruism, darkness and light, amidst so much more. Words try but ultimately fail.

All of this tempers dominance, drives surrender, shapes and give them meaning.

Something so ethereal begs for anchor, embodiment, expression. That need is where leather meets flesh, skin kisses skin, pain makes its way to ecstacy. Taboos crumble, darkness thrives, and two halves become desperately, deeply whole.

Day 2 was intense, Day 3 insightful. W/we both came to terms with our own expectations, and managed to cross some boundaries with regard to personnae and certain realities of O/our situation. Each day, interaction, strengthens us, our bond, and strips away another layer toward the ultimate honesty, honesty with ourselves.

Truth is, this training is as much for Me as for verrin. I am bolstering consistency, control, and confidence, while verrin is confirming his trust in Me. Up to now, O/our desires and vision have been remarkably compatible, but that compatibility is not the goal. The goal for him as servant is to internalize My desires, adopt them as his own, and while he does this often, it is not yet automatic. As Mistress, I am ever mindful of his desires; whether I choose to act on them or not is another question. But his desires do not, should not, drive our interactions, even if they coincide with Mine. My fulfillment should be his pleasure, and I believe that in his heart it is.

I have every sense that verrin will further settle into his role and internalize My desires with time, discipline, and nurture. Even though he claims to surrender totally, there is always room for that surrender to deepen, expand, and also his love, as he gains confidence in My dominion. Training is helpful, along with reinforcement and ritual, but only time and experience can truly solidify this bond.

I cannot call this a training day in earnest, although it was an absolutely necessary interaction. Today was a day of atonement, of clearing the slate for a new beginning. I was physically harsh, using implements of physical contact and mental restraint, combining corporal chastisement with a challenge of verrin’s personal control and stamina. My beloved verrin peformed as expected, pleasing Me greatly. he received the base attention that he required and deserved, without question or complaint. When his body reacted, Mine did as well, but we both endured, knowing what was necessary, and tested our capabilities in some small ways. My love for him is greater than ever, and building his excellence as servant means more to Me with each passing day.

All that had been forgiven has now also been expunged. So W/we’ll see what tomorrow brings.

My servant’s failures and transgressions have not been many, but they have all centered around a pervasive lack of restraint. I originally thought that, due to O/our shared vision and intuitive connection, verrin could forego obedience training. Mistress was lovestruck or naive. I was wrong.

It is unfair of Me to hold My servant to a standard he has not been trained to acheive. By doing so, I set him up for failure. And as exciting as doling out punishment can be, I do not enjoy corrective action as much as I do sensation for its own sake, or better yet for My enjoyment. Correcting and punishing suck time from more pleasurable pursuits.

I have requested that verrin commit to six days of “training” at My hands to correct his mindset and connected behavior. I may have to break him down to build him up, and I am more than willing to do that in order to help him become the sub that he truly wishes to be for Me. he is more than worth it.

If training is successful, verrin will officially wear My collar on Bastille Day and the days beyond. If it is unsuccessful, I will continue verrin’s training for as long as it takes, or as long as he can endure it.

I am going to be harder on verrin. I am going to be harder on him because I think he both needs and desires it. In verrin I see potential for greatness, for a higher level of obedience and fulfillment than is common in the average relationship of this type. And for U/us I see such possibility, through exploration and pressing of our individual and communal limits, his as servant, Mine as Mistress, O/ours as lovers. But in order to move forward in this exploration, this fulfillment, I need him to be secure in his place, his role, My desires for and requirements of him. My love for him is deep and abundant. But in order for him to know of that depth, that abundance, I need him to recognize and internalize My dominance. He needs discipline, structure. I will do My best to provide it, because I love him.