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More thoughts that float in and out of my head

- You wake up knowing that I love you

- We’re on opposite sides of the same boat, in the same ocean

- I would work so hard because the means would justify the end. It will all fall into place

- I get ignored all the time so this is the norm but when you’re sullen and quiet, you punish me with your distance. You can’t do this and not expect it to hurt.

Sometimes on my phone, I’ll just quickly text a note to myself about random thoughts. So here are just a few of them…

- Is it easier to be a martyr than to be brave? Does settling mean giving in?

-The day will never come when I need to say what I want to say. I push it down until it becomes a black hole in the pit of my stomach.

-We let it die so why don’t we bury it together?

-I almost choked on your words because they sounded like a joke. Sadly, they were not.

-I think our happy endings have different characters in them.

-Why do I laugh the loudest when it’s silent elsewhere.

-Time is beginning to eclipse this usual ebb and flow.

-My heart stops when I hear that song even though I know it shouldn’t. It hurts to know that melody is for someone else’s love.

-Your condescending ways make me want to punch you in the face.

-It’s not a favor when they’re your kids too.

-Why do I feel bad about loving you?

I wrote this for my friend who was feeling unappreciated and unloved. I never shared it with them though…

Take comfort in me
let me wrap my arms around you
Let me listen to your heart beat
Take you in from the heat

Slow your thoughts, just be in this
go no where else
The world slows down
when you are here

Open up and show me your light
that’s been off for so long
It’s so dim

But it brightens as each word
passes our lips
I will write you a song
so you can hum it
like a secret all your own

No wonder its universal
wanting and wanting to be wanted
like the desert desiring rain
a feeling that lingers

how do we solve this problem
does it just go away
or is there a conscious movement to be made
the pawns on the chess board move so slow

waiting for the fruit to ripen
I await patiently
for it to turn a lush red
ready to be eaten and devoured

is it healthy to feel this way
can we move on
I pray to in order to breathe
this longing will subside

I’ve lost so many battles,
But what about the war?
The shrapnel in me
Seems to multiply evermore

The wounds don’t heal
They linger like a bad smell
The marauders come
To this burning hell

I hear the war has been won
By those who fight gallantlly
They don’t stop no matter the casualties
So I wonder rather if it’s stupidity

You’re a cool breeze on a hot day
Rain when the grass needs to grow
A song to make me sing along
You’re just what I needed

A glass of water with ice cream
A shoulder to cry on
A blanket to hide in on a rainy day
You’re just what I needed

I’m writing almost every day and they are more like poems or songs but its soooo relaxing. It helps me to pour out things in my heart and head and makes it easy to sleep.

Although I like to write on here, 43things.com, I like to keep a journal of poetry, songs and short stories. Just the act of putting pencil to paper is calming and soothing. It helps to detach me from the world and focus on that one topic, even if it’s only for 5 minutes. As a mom and teacher, I have a million things spinning in my head and I get a little reprieve when I write.