be a good mother

Today when we were at the indoor playground at the mall, Isak (friendly as ever) said hi to this other boy around his age. Out of nowhere this kid got a scary aggressive look on his face and sucker-punched Isak right in the face.

Isak was totally shocked (as were we), and before Markus and I could get over the parent fence, the kid hit him again. The boy ran off and Markus soothed Isak while I went after the kid who was shoving a little girl down at that point. I (politely, which was hard, I was surfing on adrenaline at this point) asked him where his mommy was.

He led me to a very nice looking pregnant woman and I asked if he was her son. She looked at me, puzzled, as I told her he was being really aggressive, pushing and hitting other kids, that he had punched my son in the face, hard.

She looked appalled, apologized, and dragged him off while he cried, and I headed back to see Isak who had a bright pink patch on his face where the kid hit him. I gave him a hug and told him that the other boy’s mommy had taken him home, then we had an impromptu talk about bullies. I was NOT expecting to have to throw myself into defensive mama-bear mode and have this conversation today. I would feel completely ashamed if the situation were reversed.

I was proud he hadn’t retaliated on the other kid’s level, but what do you say? Both Markus and I reiterated the “come tell a grown up” bit, but the hard part was that he wanted to know why. Why this kid he’d just said hello to had hurt him – how do you explain that? We tried – saying that some people feel angry inside and don’t know how to treat other people, and it has nothing to do with you, but still, it’s scary. Do you start self defense classes at 4 years old these days? Maybe you do.

Remembering the look on Isak’s face right afterward makes me feel ill. It’s not as though we’re raising him to think the world is all sunshine and rainbows, but we want him to at least feel safe. The look on his face made me feel like that sense of safety got dented, but honestly? – I think he’s bounced back from it better than I have. I still feel really upset.

It was delicious. Isak and I spent the afternoon carving our pumpkin (I tried my best to follow his design then added a few touches of my own) and getting ready for the trick-or-treat fest. We did a Morticia and Gomez dance around the living room and made up silly ghost ditties.

All the weather reports insisted we were in for foul weather, but it was beautiful – clear, with a fat moon and a sprinkling of stars. It was a wonderful surprise, I was picturing a very wet frog making it about a block and a half before wanting to turn back, but there wasn’t a drop to be seen and it was very mild.

Isak really wanted to wear his froggy costume again, and it still fits, so off we went into the night. We went all around the area, zigzagging up and down the hill, meeting friendly neighbors, looking down at the city lights garnished with bursts of random fireworks, stocking his rapidly growing bag of treats, admiring the other costumes, singing Halloween songs…

We got home after a couple of hours and had a late dinner before sorting (and sampling) treats by pumpkin light and playing with some spooky lego daddy bought in case we got rained out.

We all had a great, great, night, although I don’t know if we’re ever going to get him to put the frog costume away. He even had me “interview” him in character, which I’ll have to post sometime – it was hilarious.

I hope everyone else had a great night too!

^{Lately one of my very favorite things to do together is to trade bedtime stories. First I’ll read a book he’s chosen, then we each make up our own. Last night he went on at length and I did my best to take it down afterward. What a marvelous imagination…}

Isak’s bedtime story (as told to Mommy October 13, 2009)

Once upon a time Isak found a garbage can with a bad cake inside. Isak took a bite, spat it out and said “ewww, that’s gross. And stinky. P.U.”. Then he met a worm. It was a talking worm with little closed eyes. Isak took the worm to the playground and the worm said “ow, the ground hurts my tummy” so Isak made some jello like a ball and the worm crawled inside. A snail came and said “hello” and they all played together.

Then Isak found a dump truck in the road and drove it home. Mommy and Daddy were there and said “oh Isak, we love your dump truck!” so Isak went to the dump truck store and got one for Mommy and Daddy. A purple and silver one.

Mommy and Daddy were so happy and drove their dump truck and Isak drove with Bob and they went to the coca cola store and bought coca cola in cups. Mommy and Daddy put their cups in the cup holes but they flew out the window and Bob and Astara drank them (Silly guys!). Mommy and Daddy got more coca cola and they drove to the train tracks.

The train tracks were blue and the wheels were blue and the train was blue too. We drank our coca cola and the bubbles went into our noses and the noses jumped off and ran away. We chased the noses but they ran up the wall and hid in a vent.

There was a door and the lock on the door stopped working. There was a sticky bug on the door, and a sticky jellyfish. Then Isak said “I have a good idea!” and asked the door to open nicely and went looking for Star Bear and Baby Bear. They were in the recycling bin and Isak fell in and went into a garbage truck and got squashed and looked like this [squeezes side of face with hands] and popped his head off and then he couldn’t talk.

Then Isak got a robot tongue and could talk and turned into a bat and flapped and threw bad snakes at people for Halloween and it was a party and we had good cakes and we were there just in time. The end.

Saturday night Isak was scampering merrily through the house, fell, and hit a chair. Smooth wood, but he managed to get a decent sized laceration on his forehead. It was scary – there was so much blood, we couldn’t even tell what he’d done at first. After we’d calmed him down and cleaned him up, we quickly decided to go to emerg. for stitches. Through the largest lightning storm we’ve had in years, we drove to VGH, but they said (a little surprised we’d made it four years without having to bring him in for something) to take him to Children’s Hospital which was fairly close by.

I’d managed to pack a quick emergency bag with a book, a new hotwheels rescue car, and the little dvd player which helped pass the time. All the staff there were amazing, and came bearing gifts: a slathering of anesthetic gel and a snazzy bracelet with his name on it. After meeting with a few medical poohbahs they decided that because it was a clean, straight wound, and due to where it was, they could use dermabond (a sterile super glue for skin) instead of giving him stitches with a needle, so we opted for that, crossing our fingers that it keeps together for the next week.

He was very brave and cheerful (except for the actual gluing, not being able to move upset him, and the tearful “mommydaddynooooo!” upset me), chatting with the doctors, asking questions about the “kids hospital” and showing off his “emergency vehicle”. Poor little froggy. Poor us too, it’s awful to see your kid hurt, scared. Yesterday we picked out some special bandages (he chose scooby-doo, winnie-the-pooh, and spongebob squarepants) so he can have a selection for protection, and he’s been very careful with the area so far. We’ll have a gentle week and hope for the best. He’ll probably have a small scar on his forehead – we’ll see.

I suppose the ‘good parenting’ part of this goal comes in with trying to deal with the emergencies that happen in the best, calmest way possible. Things will happen – does anyone make it through childhood without some sort of incident, without at least one scar? Funny how the stories come out – one nurse pointed to a little line on her cheek, saying that her brother had thrown a berenstain bears book at her when they were kids. Markus and I went over our various “scar stories” after we got home too. I suppose being attacked by a wooden chair isn’t overly dramatic, but when you note the fluffy vicious polar bear sitting on it, it makes a fine tale of boyhood bravery.

All in all, we tried to make his trip to the hospital “fun” so it won’t seem like a bad or scary place to go, should we ever need to return sometime (knocking wood).

4? How is he 4!? Looking at our 2005 photos from the hospital is surreal. Four years. It seems like yesterday; and it seems like forever.

We had his birthday party last Saturday. The bbq was a success, even if there were less actual KIDS than anticipated, the ones here were rambunctious enough to feel like a dozen, and there were at least a dozen big friends here. We skewered food, played T-ball, gobbled down ice-cream cake, made musical noise, slaughtered balloons, and opened presents, which ranged from antique tin cement mixers and art supplies to a kick-ass ThinkPad. And cars. Lots of cars. Certain children also snuck into our bedroom to jump on our bed, which was quickly discouraged.

After cake & presents, it was time to toss aside the pointy coloured hats and suit up to jump the shark.Yes, an 18 foot, inflatable 3D shark slip and slide (oh, how badly I wanted my own slip & slide when I was a kid). Squealing moist children running rampant all around the yard, flinging themselves wildly down the slippery path into the mouth of the giant beast. Screaming madness of the very best kind.

Isak eventually wrapped himself in his favorite towel, declared himself “Super Froggy of the World” & ran about a bit more, coming to everyone’s rescue. We capped the evening off with goodie bags full of mini-bubbles, balloons, cars, train stickers and candy necklaces. Great fun was had by all, and the garden is sufficiently watered for the week, so hurrah for multitasking. The whole thing ended up being thrown together very last minute, so we were glad it came off so well.

Later, after everyone had left, Isak brushed his teeth, got jammied up and came over to where we were sitting on the couch and fell asleep mid goodnight hug, sprawled over both of us. How did he get so big?

We finally managed to clean everything up in time for his REAL birthday, which we spent a great deal of on the floor playing with a mountain of lego. He excitedly checked the mailbox to find a postcard (with a cool rusty old truck) and a big pop up Winnie the Pooh card, and got several phone calls wishing him many happy returns. It was a very happy birthday. Four years. Ay, my heart is so full…

Yesterday afternoon I popped Isak into a shallow bath while I mopped the hall floor, right outside the bathroom door. I could hear him playing and talking to his boats as I cleaned, and there wasn’t a noticeable “trouble silence”, but he suddenly called out that he had hurt himself. I hopped the two feet into the bathroom and found him sitting there with blood smeared across his upper lip. I couldn’t tell what had happened, but I gently dabbed his lip with a wet cloth. More blood. I assumed he’d bonked into the side of the tub and banged against his teeth, until he pointed to the mach3 teetering on the shampoo ledge and explained that he was trying to be “big like daddy”.

Absolutely cringing inside, I realized that he’d somehow managed to reach the razor and had been trying to shave. It was just a tiny little nick, but it bled for a while, and it could have been much worse. I felt terrible, like I’d slipped all the way down to the bottom of the good mommy pole – I should have realized he could reach that high now, if he really wanted to. I’m fairly sure it upset me more than it did him, but I stayed outwardly calm and got him cleaned up and pulled a special lego car out of the emergency treat closet afterward. I was talking to another mom at the library today who said her toddler did something similar, thinking her shaver was a toothbrush. Shudder.

I think most parents have some sort of horror story where they weren’t on the ball about something dangerous (my mom’s tale? The time I managed to get my lip caught on a curtain hook like a little fish while she was on the telephone), but I’m not sure that makes me feel better. At least we’ve managed to make it nearly 4 years with very few and fairly minor incidents. Groan.

Today was Isak’s first field trip with his preschool (which he’s taken to like a duck to water). They’d planned a trip to Stanley Park Junction, the petting zoo, and the playground. I’d happily volunteered and got to go with the 2 classes, which brought us to about three dozen 3-4 year olds and a handful of parents.

We woke up to a very stormy day with dark grey skies and rain pounding the puddles, but tried to keep it from dampening our spirits. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many cute little rubber boots! We all packed onto the school bus (an adventure in itself) and by the time we arrived at Stanley Park, the rain was starting to subside.

Although our conductor seemed a bit glum (perhaps he was having a semi-conductor kind of day?), we were treated to two trips through the woods on the train (I don’t think I’d been since I was a kid), over ponds, through a tunnel, past totem poles, a random faux moose, and (unless I was hallucinating) a stray garden gnome.

After the train ride, there was much frolicking to be had amongst sheep, goats, llamas (damp, freshly sheared llamas look very peculiar), cows, donkeys, pigs, rabbits, chickens (who were laying eggs in their nests), cocky roosters, and a menagerie of birds and reptiles.

When we had washed our hands thoroughly, we found ourselves with a freshly dry sky and hit the picnic tables for lunch and then ran amok in a big playground until the bus came to pick us all up. By the time we stepped off the school bus, the skies were blue and we’d had a very fun (and surprisingly well behaved) adventure.

It also gave me a chance to get to know some of the other parents better and see Isak playing with his new friends.

We’ve been on a pre-school wait list for half a year. Whenever we pass by, Isak presses himself against the glass, waving to the kids and pleading with me to let him go play with them. I have to keep explaining to him that he’s on a list for his turn, and he’s always so sad as we walk away.

Today I went by to see where he was on the list & when I should sign up for the Fall list. They gave me a number to call, and the lady explained that he was behind 3-4 other kids for Spring & the Fall sign-up isn’t until mid April. I started wondering if he’d ever get in.

10 minutes later the phone rang. The woman I’d spoken with had called all the other families ahead of us to see if they were interested in starting next month, then bumped Isak to the top of the list. Tomorrow I’m supposed to call a woman at the pre-school for an appointment and then if that goes well, we can register him for April! It’s even for the days/time slot that would work best.

Hopefully all will go well and he’ll be able to start next month! It would give me some extra time to get things done (or just relax) and more importantly, a great social experience and new little friends to play with regularly. I’ve got my fingers crossed on this, and Isak’s very excited that he might finally be able to go play with “those kids”. We’re all very hopeful that it finally works out.

Since Isak was a teeny tiny thing, we’ve always tried to share our love of books, reading & writing. He has his own collection of books, a well worn library card, and an old computer that he loves to type on. A current favorite game is asking me how to spell a word while he types it out (or I help him write it in a notepad), typing out the alphabet (and changing the size/colour of the letters) and now he recognizes a number of words and can spell a handful on his own. It’s a fun thing for him, and something I definitely want to encourage.

A “letter” to grandma & grandpa, typical of his 3 year old train of thought:

isak
bob
banana cookie
mommy
daddy
kitty
computer
car
a car
question
light
telescope
silver robot
glasses
numbers 12345678910
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
letters
hug

On the topic of learning, I wanted to share a great website we found that teaches the alphabet, phonetics, reading, etc. even some math and sections on art, music, poetry, self, environmental issues, sign language, reasoning, etc. – he really, really loves it and I certainly prefer it to racing digital monster trucks. It’s got different levels and is good for pre-k up through second grade. We’ve just found it very fun & educational and I wanted to pass it on.

Starfall.com

As much as I love books of the tangible paper variety, some parts of the pixel entrenched world out there are excellent and well worth adding to the learning toolbox. And we’ll always make time to put away the mouse and curl up with a good book.

I haven’t been feeling up to my usual extreme wanders with Isak lately, but today we had an excellent 2.5 hour walk, the sort where I let him choose which direction we go whenever we’re presented with an option.

We ended up watching trains (both skytrains & railway), pursuing baby worms and a big yellow ferrari, indulging in every single playground we came across, puddle jumping, playing ball with a cute dog, and climbing a big hill to an unfamiliar school where we watched girls play soccer, boys play basketball (he stood and shouted encouragement), and he tried out for track and the long jump, barreling down the track in his rubber monster boots. When he’s old enough I think he’ll love joining a little team of some kind.

It’s always interesting to see where we end up when I let him take the lead. He gets a big kick out of being ‘in charge’ of adventures, and we usually stray quite far from our usual paths. We had a very good time and both got lots of exercise.