be more open

I don’t know how I got so disconnected. I used to share my feelings with everyone, and I wasn’t afraid of being vulnerable. In the last few years though, I started holding everything inside. I get in these moods, and I’m overwhelmed by emotion. I don’t necessarily feel good or bad, I just feel really intensely, I suppose. Maybe its leaning toward negative, but I try not to see it that way. I think emotions are important and I try to respect whatever ones flow through me at any given time. I want to talk to someone, to get my feelings out there and feel understood and less alone. I just can’t though. I have the greatest friends who love me at my worst as much as at my best and yet I can’t bring myself to talk to any of them when I go through this. Afterwards I can, but during, I just can’t. Maybe its because I don’t want anyone to feel compelled to say something, I just want to feel what I feel without feeling alone in it (I know thats a lot of feeling.) I want someone to lay next to me and drift away on a raft of music in a sea of emotions. Where the current will take us, I don’t know.