do a vipassana meditation retreat

Wow. That was intense. I’m not even sure yet what to write about it … even though I was “writing” about it in my head many, many times during the hours of meditation.

Even though I did a lot of reading about the retreat, especially reading about the experiences of others, I was NOT prepared. It was the hardest thing I have ever done on purpose.

I do have some advice for people who are thinking about going:

First of all, STAY FOR THE WHOLE COURSE. I can promise that you will absolutely want to leave at least once. It’s uncomfortable to be in such a different environment. Sitting for hours and hours daily is more uncomfortable than I expected. You go days without exchanging a word or a glance with anyone, without being touched, without any contact with the outside world, and while it’s very nice at times, it’s very lonely as well. Goenka’s voice and singing can be incredibly annoying. These things built up for me, but I stuck it out, and I’m very glad I did.

Secondly, PREPARE. If you’re not sitting for at least an hour every day, start doing so if you can. You’ll be thankful you did.

Third, BRING A CHAIR. Okay, bring your meditation cushion as well, but bring some kind of back support. Even if you’re meditating regularly, sitting for 11 hours a day is a lot different than sitting for a couple of hours a day. After the second day, I honestly wondered if I’d be able to make it through the week. Tell the retreat organizers before you go that you’ll be bringing a chair for occasional use, and then shove it under your bed or something. If you don’t use it, no problem, but I suspect you’ll be glad to have it for at least occasional use.

I noticed that a number of the women had “backjack” floor chairs that allowed them to sit on the ground with some back support; and I was envious. If you don’t want to sit in a chair (I don’t blame you, I didn’t, at least not until my back started screaming at me), look into some kind of meditation seat with back support. There are plenty of options available.

Finally, again, STICK IT OUT. One guy left the very first morning. Two more left the second day. Two more left on the NINTH day. I understood, I had my moments of wanting to hop in my truck and drive home, but the 10th day and the morning of the 11th day were incredibly valuable to the experience.

I truly understand now why those who left early have said angry things about the retreats and the techniques—I had some of those thoughts myself on lonely, cold evenings. But it was still worth it. I’m glad I did it.

I was frustrated at times, but I told myself that if nothing else, I’d complete this goal. I didn’t think I’d made any real progress in the Vipassana technique, nor did I think I’d actually mananged to control the endless chatter of my mind, even a little bit. But, now that I’m back, I can see that I have changed, that progress was made. Now that I’m surrounded by the noise of everyday life again, my mind seems a lot quieter. Sitting for an hour is very easy. Everything looks … different to me. I won’t go into that too deeply, because I don’t want to sound weird, and I don’t really know yet how to describe it, but it does.

I can’t tell you what the retreat is like. I may try to write more about it later, but it’s honestly one of those things that is different for each person. After all, you’ll be spending days and days in YOUR head, not mine.

I’m kind of nervous about this. I’m also a little annoyed wtih myself for not being more prepared. I still need to wash and pack my clothing, get a haircut, go through my refrigerator and toss or freeze anything that won’t keep for the time I’m away, send Grandma a birthday card, pay any bills that will be due while I’m gone, return my library books, put a hold on my mail … you get the idea. It’ll be a busy Friday night.

But, whether I get those things done or not, I’m heading to Elbert, CO, around noon tomorrow.

This is exciting. I think I’ve probably done too much internet searching and reading of other people’s experiences. I went from having little idea of what to expect, to maybe too many preconceptions. I’m trying to drop those, and just see what happens.

I feel like I used to feel the day before heading to summer camp!

I first heard about Vipassana when reading Sarah McDonald’s book “Holy Cow”. It sounded interesting, but I didn’t think much about it again. Later, when a friend of mine decided to spend two weeks in India, I re-read the book and this time her description of the Vipassana course jumped out at me. “I’d like to try that someday” I thought. I did a little online searching, and found out that not only was there a Vipassana center within two hours of Denver, but that there was a course over Thanksgiving weekend. “I can’t afford to take off that much time for work” I thought, but then I checked my vacation time, and I had more than enough time, especially taking into account the paid holiday. “I can’t afford a decent donation” I thought, but then I realized that was silly. The whole point of a donation-only course is to allow people like me to go. (I’ve already decided that I can leave at least $200, and will try to budget $300.)”It’s too late to sign up” I thought, “I’m sure the course is full.”

Anyway, I applied for the course, and I was accepted. Most of my friends think I’m crazy for doing this, and I think my mother is afraid I’m going to come back with a shaved head and orange robes.

I’ve never done anything like this before. I meditate, but it’s far from a daily occurance, and the longest I’ve ever sat in meditation is about half an hour.

But: the last two years of my life have been tough, to say the least. I turned 40 in April 2007, and I’m not happy with where I am in life. In fact, I haven’t been very “happy” about much of anything for quite some time. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about living in the moment, and accepting things as they are. Applying those concepts to my life has helped, but I’m hoping this will take me further.

Nearly everything I’ve read boils down to: “it’s uncomfortable and difficult, but it’s a worthwhile experience.” I’ve only read two postings that were truly negative. One guy seemed to be far too focused on the physical sensations rather than the growth aspects, and the other guy seemed to be a bit crazy and more than a bit afflicted with smug self-importance.

One of the negative postings I mentioned led me to an excellent posting on the 43Things site, so I’m grateful for that. I doubt very much that my own description of my experience will be as well-thought-out and well-written, but I’ll definitely try to give you an idea of my experience.

I gave up coffee last Monday, because I’m not sure if the “no drugs of any kind” policy applies to caffeine or not. Even if the tea served has caffeine, I’m sure it won’t be the same as my 2-4 cups of coffee every day. WOW: talk about withdrawal. I’m not sure I want to start drinking coffee again if this is what happens when I stop. I’m just glad I won’t be going through it during the Vipassana course. The course sounds difficult enough without being headachy, nauseated and miserable two days into it.

If nothing else, it’ll be the most unique “vacation” I’ve taken in a very long time.