be nicer to my boyfriend

we had a good night. very calm.

things are so terrible right now.
worst night ever. we fought all night. till 2 am.
im not happy in this relationship.
i dont know why he wants to be with me. im such a bitch to him.
hes not the reason im not happy. its all the things I am doing wrong. i cant be happy with him, if im not happy at all.
he thinks its like…his responsibility to make me happy. its not. im supposed to BE happy. i dont know how to make this happen but until it does im just going to become more and more distant. i dont want that to happen. i love him, and im so sad.

oh man. i said some frikkin hateful things to him last night. i feel terrible..he said them right back but that doesnt make it okay.
i was upset, because he tells all his friends that im too hot for him. what the hell is that about? oh i was livid.
if he thinks im out of his league, whos to say he wont freak out, and not want to marry me? i guess i was just being paranoid and scared like always, but it just sucks. =[

oh man. ive been so good lately! this past weekend was great! =]

this is bad. i told my friend yesterday that i wanted to break up with him. i dont. i really really dont. i was just frustrated.
today we got in a stupid fight. really stupid, and i ended up crying,
and there wasnt even a reason for any of it.
we love eachother. we really really do. i just need to love myself so that i can be happy with him.

When i got off work, i knew michael would be home. i called him on my way, and asked if he would please meet me outside to help me put air in my tire (i have a slow leak..how annoying!) so he did so, and i thanked him.
we then went to get things to make our own cigarettes (which pretains to the goal of saving money) and we sat around and rolled them all night after going to dragon buffet for some well-deserved chinese cuisine. lol.
we got along very well all evening. =]