create my own stimulus plan by doing at least one NEW AND FULFILLING thing in July, August, and September 2009

I have been so busy doing new things and some what fulfilling.

August 16: I drove to Texas to pick up P and his son. It was definately a new and fulfilling trip in my life. I was going to write an lengthy entry about if from listing all the cities I stopped in by using my receipts I collected when I got gas and food, but I lost them some how. I have been looking for them ever since.

August 19: I got back from Texas with P and his son. So a new adventure of having two other people living with me started. It has been rocky and uncertain at times since I have lived on my own for so long, it was a bit hard to adjust, no matter how happy I was to have them both with me.

September: Learing how to communicate better, not get defensive over things that I feel he is being critical over. I try so hard to be the best girlfriend I can be, with still being myself. Learning how to hold in my frustration regarding things I can control or what I worry about. I am growing as an individual and a human when it comes to interacting with a someone at very close situations. Stressful at times, but I am learning that everything is not always about me and just for me. So I am learning how not to be so selfish. I guess living alone for so long has made me very selfish.

This is a bit odd, but I am documenting because it is part of life no matter how horrible it might be. In order to have a fulfilling life, one has to accept the bad with the good.

I found out on Saturday morning that my cousin, Britta was murdered. She was only 26 years old. Murdered by her live-in boyfriend and left alone with her unharmed 3 year old daughter.

It isn’t my plan or even fulfilling, but it is definately new, because now me and my family are learning to cope in a way we never had to before. I was close to my cousin and both my brother and I are taking it hard, because we have alot of memories of Britta even though she was younger then me. I babysat her all summer when I was 16 years old.

So my plan is to remember the good things about Britta and how she lighted up my life while she was here. I will find a way to keep her alive in my life in the things I do. A poem or piece of artwork.

Always, until my dying day, anytime I watch a hockey game, I will think of her. She was my inspiration. She played Hockey and loved the sport as much as I did. I remember watching her skate across the ice and wish I was her! I envied her that she was young enough able to play on a mixed gender team, where I was much older and female hockey teams were unheard of in Ohio.(Darn, I was so misplaced moving from Upstate NY to Ohio!) Of course, she lived in Michigan.

My new and fulfilling thing is that I will deeply thing about each person in my huge family and write a couple things about them that are a beautiful facet in my life.

The loss of Britta shouldn’t only be the reason why a person’s family should come together to grieve, but to come together to celebrate the life she had as well as how as a family, TOGETHER, should connect and live even if separated by miles.

Sigh, I miss Britta very much. It is still very unbeleivable that she is gone. It seems all so surreal for me.

I told myself last night that I would write a poem reflecting her life as I did when my dear Uncle Mike died. I can honor her life in the best way I know how. To write a poem and possibly dig out my skates and find my old hockey stick and shoot a puck around alone and remember when she loved to be on the ice. I know how she felt. It was close to flying.

And when you feel you can fly in what ever you do, you know you are really living.

Wow, the things you can learn when you just look into older people’s lives. The lives I am talking about is my Grandma Mert. I went to Pataskala on Saturday to help my Generic dad, move some boxes out of my Grandma Mert’s basement in her old house.

It rained so we were not able to do that but we moved and arranged the huge shed in her back yard to hold the stuff that we will be transfering from one house to the other.

As we were moving boxes, we got to see what was in them. Boxes filled with books about Israel and Revelations. My late Grampa Leo was very much the Evanglist and My Grandma Mert still has his sheets he had printed out to go with his cassette tapes he distrubuted to the public. He died in 2002 and I am just realizing now how inspiration he was in spreading the gospel and sharing the coming times with people. I found several books that My Grandma Mert said I could have. She even allowed me to have a old quilt that was in the shed too. It needs washed up but it was very nice and useful. I wonder who used it. I know who read the books. Grandpa Leo!

One was all about Revelations, another about Jesus as our High Priest, One about 911 and the tie into Revelations, another about the book of Daniel.

LOL, can you tell I am fascinated by the book of Revelations and prospecy?

We always found a dresser full of crafts, beads and old buttons. I just loved that dresser because it appealed to my creative nature. It had sewing material in there. Just so much I could work with!

We also found old machines, I told my Generic dad that people would buy at a flea market or something. He said “yes” but he told me that my Grandma Mert is so against anyone getting rid of anything at all. He told me that most of this stuff will sit here until after her death, because she won’t allow us to do anything with it when she is alive.

Pack rat. It was amazing. I saw picture of my Grampa Leo’s mother and the dresser was filled with her crafts. I was old medical records, bank statments and even newpaper ads. There was even an old horse collar! One you see in the old days around an old horse pulling a plow. I told my Generic Dad “You don’t have a horse, why is it here” Of course, I knew the reason. Grandma Mert doesn’t get rid of anything.

There are wooden boards, nails and other things that just looked like plain junk, but still just taking up space in the shed. I wonder what next week in the basement is going to look like.

It still is amazing how I can learn so much on just seeing what people keep from their past.

I went and saw an exhibition of Dale Chihuly’s glass artwork at Franklin Park Conservatory on Saturday. It was absolutely amazing!

I forgot how much I loved art and being around it. It just sang to my soul. I used to do all kinds of art type of things, but the depression I had more or less drained all my creativity out of my life.

I have always wanted to learn how to blow glass, and to see so many beautiful handmade things in the giftshop really moved my artist nature once again.

The Conservatory housed to wonderful things. A huge indoor garden, which I just fell in love with! And the artwork. I was with my Granda Mert and my Generic dad, but my heart was a bit lonely, as I would have loved to share that special moment in time with Phil or someone that shares my heart. I say that because to be at the Conservatory , it was to be in my world.

I took a lot of picutures with my camera phone, but since I used the zoom on some of them, they were too large from me to email to my computer.

I really enjoyed exploring the Conservatory and expierencing that wonderful new thing.