enjoy the first quarter of 2008 by having one new and fulfilling experience in January, February, and March

It was a month of love and sadness.

March 21, spending some time with my Dearheart before Easter. It was our Easter together. A wonderful day.

March 22, the remembering the passing of my boyfriend’s father, whom I had ever got a chance to met. Yet I love my dearheart, so that I made that day special and send up prayers that day especially so close to Easter

March 23: Easter. HE has Arisen! Glorious day indeed!

The small steps toward getting my Scripture item patented. I am nervous about it, but small steps are better then no steps at all.

Going to church every Sunday and attending Sunday School and Making new friends at my church.

I did so much that I can’t remember them all! Ha ha ha

In the evening of March 14, I meet my dearheart’s youngest son, T. Something had come up and he was wondering if I could babysit for him. I told him that I would love to. .since he had to pick up his son earlier then normal and he had plans to go out with the guys.

I was very nervous, yet T. was so cute and friendly. He is only 5 years old and I could tell that he loved his brother, P. by the way they were playing.

After my dearheart left, I busied myself washing dishes and cleaning the kitchen because I was bored while his children played upstairs before bed. Once in a while I would hear a “Thump” and I turned down the TV (I was listening to Christian music) and went to the stairs and listened to them play and laugh out loud. It was such a blessing to hear that kind of happiness.

When 10:00 came around, I didn’t have to tell them to go to bed. They just did. Still laughing, but my dearheart’s oldest son told me that they were going to bed and I went up and checked on them. Their room was clean and everything! They are such good boys.

After I finished in the kitchen, I sat down in the living room and tried to watch TV while crocheting a blanket. It was a bit lonely and it got a little cold as well. I went upstairs to check to make sure that they were covered up. I looked in and could see that they were bundled up well, sleeping next to each other. It was a lovely site. I wish they were uncovered a bit so I could have covered them up a bit.

I went down stairs and continued watching TV again and fell asleep doing so. When my dearheart came home, he was surprized that I cleaned the kitchen. He wondered by I didn’t put the dishes in the dishwasher. I told him that I wanted something to do, so I did them by hand. He thanked me and hugged me close. He asked me why I didn’t go up stairs and get in bed. I didn’t tell him that I wanted to, but I wanted to be downstairs in case one of his sons came downs stairs for something. Both of his sons think we are just friends, but I have an idea that P. might think more since he is older.

It was just lovely to spend the time with his sons and then with my dearheart, especially when Friday was the anniversary of my dearheart and I’s third date, which was a very special date for me.

Another new experience for March, which is very good is that last week, I saw my dearheart 3 times! I hope now he realizes that I am willing to drive up there more then once a week to see him. It makes my heart light and happy to see him so often!

I can only hope that it gets better as time goes on.

So far I have been doing several things in March.

I finished Tolkien’s Two Towers and just pages away from finishing Return of the King. I know it is not such a seemingly interesting experience for most, but I am quite enjoying reading it at this point in time.

I started another beautiful blanket which is varigated in blues and blue-greens which I have been crocheting in a different diagonal pattern. It is me and my dearheart’s blanket. We both love blues because of the Ocean waters and the sky. I have two full skiens done so far. I started it Friday due to not having to work beacuse of the great snow storm. Sunday, a special day for my dearheart, I inserted a beautiful blue bead as I crocheted, to symbolize that important day. I have at least two more days this month that I will insert a bead. I don’t know how many beads I will add, but I had to add one on Sunday for certain.

I experienced a mini blizzard Friday/Saturday. We got 19 inches of snow! It was awesome. It was the most snow that I have seen since I lived in Ohio. Of course that much snow doesn’t bother me, because I was raised in upstate New York where that much snow is normal. I loved it. I just wish I was snow bound with my dearheart and his son. It would have been fun.

Yesterday, I went to the circus which I haven’t done since I was 14 years old. I took one of my friend’s daughters, D. She is 10. We had fun. We had popcorn and Cotton candy. Watch the preforming monkeys, dogs, even a cat! The acrobats were awesome. But the best was seeing the elephants. It was heartbreaking for me to see when treated as they were. I forgot how elephants were treated in the circus.

I also rode one. I always wanted to ride one. I would rather it be in the jungle on bareback, but just being so close to such gentle animals was. I got close enough to catch the one bright brown eye of on of the elephants. It was so heartwrenching. I really wanted to help the poor animal and felt back for riding on its poor back. I wished I would have asked for the elephants’ names so I could remember they by name, since there were too of them.

Well that is only 5 things. I have two other things but not as exciting as the ones listed, but fulfiliing and new in my life. So I have done 7 things so far in the month of March and it is only March 11th.

I went to Church on Sunday. The early service (8:30) and went to Church class as well. It was very nerve wreaking for me. When I walked in I had to steel myself to keep myself from walking out since I didn’t know any one. I just keep my nose in my Bible and read it until the class started.

It was very informative and I enjoyed it no matter I still didn’t like being in a huge room full of strangers. I almost left the room out of fear.

I think I will really try to go again this coming Sunday since I have noticed a change in myself since I attended Church. It is a good change.

I spend Sunday February 10th with my dearheart. Our early celebration of Valentine’s day together as well as my Birthday. It wasn’t much, but it meant the world to me.

I started celebrating the Lenten Season this month as well.

I bought a used Playstation 2 the other day. I was so excited about it but didn’t set it up to play it since I had the oppurtunity to see my dearheart instead. That was more important to me then some old video game.

I got my hair cut -a new hip style that hopefully will make me more attractive.

I was able to spend the leap year morning in the arms of my beloved dearheart. I prayed and thanked God for such a simple pleasure. We watched “Catch and Release” last night and it seemed to go on and on. It was almost never ended, even though it was a very thoughful movie. Just very slow for my dearheart and my tastes. No matter, I was able to spend all the slow movie time with my dearheart :o)

Just today I had the young guy at the Bank tell me that my boyfriend really doesn’t know what he is missing in me. It was a lovely compliment coming from such a sweet guy.

I was able to save $115 dollars from my weekly allowance of $25. (The extra money must have come from the ATM machine.) I put it back into my savings since I was spending it.

I now have my savings back up to over $1,000.00 again. I took $500 out the first week of January for someone in need. I have replace that money once again. It feels good to be able to save so much and not touch it. I was almost tempted to give some more money to a person in need after I found out some bad news. Why did I hold back?

I had several new and fulfilling experiences during February. I can’t wait until March now.

and it is a newer step for me then normal so I want to put it here.

For two days in a row, I took the time to set out my outfits, coordinate some jewelry and as well as do my hair and put on a little makeup.

Most of the time, I am so busy that I slack on the looks at times because working two jobs and trying to look like a beauty queen has never been my cup of tea, but I noticed that if I feel horrible, I LOOK horrible. So I am trying to boost my mental health by treating myself better then I probably have been. Depression has always been an underlining issue with me certain times of the year so it is hard no to want to hibernate and be a bear to the feelings I am having.

Yesterday was only the first day, and I wasn’t really playing with the makeup as I was today. I did my hair up with a couple curls and a nice little black scarf to accent the do. I noticed I played with different jewelry this morning until I was able to find just the correct balance to my look. I have to say that I was pleased.

I noticed the one attorney look at me from around the corner. Probably trying to find out why I was all dressed up. No reason.

I just want to be able to look in the mirror and smile because I can see that I am pretty outside as well as inside. I might not hear it enough as I probably need to, but I am going to try to allow my inner beauty shine outwardly by how I look then I normally do.

I have keep my head up and smile more today. No matter that at times my heart is heavy. Noting that I read alot about past history of royalty. I love to read about Alexandra Fyodorovna Romanova and other types of female royalty. They always keep their style and grace no matter what happened in their lives.

I had always wished that I was a high born Lady, beause they seemed so graceful, stylish and beautiful. When I was younger (about 9 or so) I always looked up to Princess Diana. I guess inside I can pretend that I am and not the lonely, hard working young woman that reality paints me to be. My life seems drab right now and I need a little inspiration that helps my inner flame of my soul to shine out and I think this is helping.

I feel really beautiful today. I wonder how tomorrow will make me feel.

Of course, My friends were talking about going out to eat at Ryan’s last night when I started my diet. They joked about how chocolate cake has eggs and milk in it and that is healthy. I just a laughed.

I love Ryan’s because there is so much different food to choose from so I love eating a little bit of this and that. I had a lot of fresh beans cooked with onion which tasted so goood. I also had some broccoli with cheese, a small salad with egg, green peppers, pepporoni, mushrooms, black olives with Ranch sauce. I had one bar-b-que rib, some mashed potatos with gravy, one taco filled and fixed my way. And a couple other things.

I didn’t really have any chocolate cake, but I had some chocolate pudding that didn’t look appetising at all from the looks that I was getting from my friends. But it was so rich and delicious. I also had a small bit of Peach cobbler and some vanilla ice cream with some strawberry sauce.

As we were eating, my friends and I were laughing and teasing each other. My friend, K. is very skinny and very particular on what she eats, but I couldn’t believe the huge hunk of ham that she took off with on her plate. It looked like a mini ice berg! And she inhaled the thing so quickly. It looked very good and moist and she gave me a little piece so I could taste how good it was. I told her if she could only take that piece of ham and cook it the way she does her honey ham – I would definately would be eating a huge hunk of it too. She makes the best honey ham that I have tasted in a while.

Her daughter ate and ate, which is not surprizing for a 10 year old, that is growing as she is. She wanted to go to the bathroom while we were there, but her mother said no. We have been kind of watching her because it seems that she has been getting sick a lot lately and usually after she has eating quite a bit. I told her mother to watch that because she might be developing an eating disorder, since she has been complaining that she is too fat – which she isn’t.

Her son didn’t eat a lot, which is not surprizing. He is very picky on what ever he eats. At least he had some pizza and some Chicken before he had some ice cream.

The laughter was great and all of us were laughing. At once point, N. was laughing at me and I wasn’t certain what I did that was so funny. Of course, I found out later after K. hinted to me what it was.

Even thought I had some food that was not on my list for my diet, it was well worth the fun and the laughter amoung my friends. It made my evening a great one which I consider to be new and fulfilling for another experience in January.

It did it last Friday 1/25/08. Starting at 2:00. I didn’t get to see my results until late morning Saturday. It was kind of gross but strangely interesting, since I had never done one before. It was very fulfilling that I was able to pass about 100 some gall stones ranging in size from peas to marbles. They say many people (The online article I read) don’t pass any during their first flush, but I could see I difinately pass some. It was amazing that my gall bladder was holding so many. I read online that it takes several flushes to really empty your gall bladder out.

I feel so much better and I dont’ have the heaviness on the hight right side of my rib cage. My eating habits have been getting better. I can’t always eat on the run, no matter how convienent it is for me, because it just isn’t healthy.

Today, I start my diet. A diet of better living, Mentally and Physically.

Last week I did a liver flush in which I passed approximately 100 gall stones ranging from the size of peas and large marbles. It was very enlightening that something so simple as a liver flush could produce so much that was causing me so much problem. I feel great!

Starting today, I am jump starting a personality diet -so to say, it preparation of the Lenten season which is only a week away.

-I must remind myself of the positive things that make me unique.
-I must accent the positive and sideline the negative.
-I must not always focus on my feelings and worries, but yet on others that I can help.
-I must love myself as God loves me -No acceptions!
I must eat better and healther.

I am planning on doing so much during the Easter Season that will bring my soul healing as well as bring me much closer to God.

I have done a couple things but I haven’t written out all that I have done.

Started writing in my journal- I have been very depressed lately. More so, then I have in the past. so I tried writing down my feelings and the little sparks of joy that I find in life in my journal that I neglected for so long. It does make me feel better.

I won two video game badges from Online MSN games that I have played – I know it isn’t much, but it has been a challenge for me to just try and enjoy myself a bit since I have been very depressed. I am trying to keep to my goals no matter I dont’ find much joy in them at the moment.

Mekong has been sleeping with me again – My very affection Ragdoll kitty has been practically living in my kitchen for about 3 or 4 months. She hasn’t sleep with me and I miss that interaction. I grabbed her and held her in my bedroom to reassure her that where was nothing scary about my bedroom and that I missed her. She has been sleeping with me every night for 3 nights! I am happy that she wants to be so close to me, but I forgot what it was like to be smothered by a ball of fur! My mother thought maybe Mekong that I was mad at her for something. That was never the case. I just thought she didn’t love me anymore so that is why she didn’t sleep with me any longer. Having her sleep with me again as made my depression a bit more bearable.

I loaned out some money – There was someone in need that I care about dearly and I gave some money to help easy the pain from bills and such. It warmed my heart that I was able to help.

I have started to pray and read my daily scripture book – I have been focusing on prayer as well as that I learn everyday. I have tried to set a little time for MYSELF to focus on what I hold so dear -GOD. It has made my depression a bit more easier to deal with.