love my body

I’m making great progress on loving my body. For me, it’s not just about seeing my own beauty, but also recognizing that I deserve to feel good. My body deserves attention. This has made it possible for me to go to doctors for my health issues. In January I found a new primary physician and she started treating my underlying illness instead of just my symptoms.

The results: I’ve lost 30 pounds thanks to my doctor putting me on metformin for my PCOS. I’ve started experimenting with my personal style (even if I feel a bit awkward at first). Last Saturday I wore a snug t-shirt with a long skirt and sandals and danced the night away with friends. It’s very different from the old me.

I want to note that losing weight was and is not necessary for me to love my body. Actually, loving my body had to come first.

When I look in the mirror, I own what I see. I’m fat and I feel just fine saying that. My shift in perspective was born upon discovering the fat acceptance movement. The people look like me and they understand that differences in size are complex (genetic, physical, mental, cultural, etc.), but that all people deserve respect.

Stop and consider how you think of fat people. Do you mock them? Do you shun them? Do you criticize them? Do you suggest diet and exercise plans to them? Do you assume they are fat as the result of some moral deficiency? If you even considered answering yes to any of those questions, please consider that if you can’t respect others, you can’t respect yourself.

For 28 years, I thought fat=bad and since I was fat, I was bad. But when I changed the way I thought about fat, I could finally change the way I thought about myself. Now I can focus on my health (that’s health, not size or weight). I’m getting an annual pass to the local rec. center so I can swim everyday…something I hadn’t done in 8 years before last month. Will I lose weight? I don’t know and, frankly, I don’t care. I’m just happy that I am comfortable enough with myself to do what I enjoy.

Two more months of sustained acceptance and pride for my own body and I’ll consider this done.

So I went swimming yesterday. It’s been so long since I was at a pool that I forgot how real people look. The pool was surrounded by people with lumps, buldges, overhangs, and general sagginess. Plus, many of the women were wearing swimsuits that were less than flattering. On one hand, I felt amazing. On the other hand, I felt completely betrayed by the advertising and media industries, which continue to tell me to be ashamed for being less than perfect.

I haven’t been swimming since July 2000 because I hated my body and the anxiety of stripping down to a swimsuit in front of others was too much. But, I’ve started to love my body as it is and last weekend I ordered a new swimsuit that should arrive this week…and I’m going swimming.