I feel like I have a whole new mindset. Before, where if I was doing something social and could not drink or chose not to drink, I would feel like, I don’t know, left out of the fun or something. Perhaps this is because a good deal of my friends have only one hobby – going out to bars and drinking to varying states of intoxication. And so if they were drinking and I was not, I guess I would feel like the odd girl out. But as I mentioned, I went out to a bar a few days ago with two friends, and they had a few drinks and I had my sparking water and I had a good time and did not feel like anything was amiss. It also may have helped that another girl, who is most definitely an alcoholic and tries to get everyone with her to drink as much as her (ordering shots, telling everyone to put $40 into the “drink kitty,” even though she probably drinks about $80 worth of liquor while everyone else doesn’t drink even close to $40), was not in attendance. She has been getting on everyone’s nerves lately, and I have decided to more formally distance myself from her, for various reasons, as she is way too negative to be around.
But I digress. Today one of my friends called and asked me to hang out tomorrow evening. I said of course, I would like that, but as I was on the other line with my credit card company, I had to cut the conversation short, and told my friend I would be in touch with him tomorrow. So we got off the phone without deciding what we are going to do. Anyway, throughout the course of the day, I have been coming up with things to do tomorrow evening – movies, board game, museum, live jazz, etc etc. Only a little while ago did it occur to me that one month ago, my very same friend made plans with me to hang out on a Saturday night, and I was like, “Sure, but I don’t know what there is to do, since I’m not drinking.” Like, as if that was the only option. As if I had two choices: go out and drink and have a great time, or stay home by myself, sober and miserable. Oh my goodness. I guess honestly it’s because drinking is like the only thing I had in common with many of my “friends,” we just hang out because we work together, and we like to go out drinking. That is not much to base a friendship on. But it’s given me a new perspective. Some of my friends, I am realizing, are not my friends at all, and while that hurts to realize, it also gives me the clarity I need to see that I need to form friendships on a more solid basis. And I am also realizing that some of my friends are more than just two-dimensional colleagues/bar buddies. I actually do have things in common with some friends that I didn’t realize until I stopped drinking and started looking for other ways to bond with them.
So…I really feel like I am gaining so many good things from giving up drinking. A month ago, when I started, I just kept thinking about all the good times I had when I was drinking. Now, all I can think about are all the times I did something stupid or embarrassing because of drinking. And like I said, when I stopped, I committed myself to stopping for 6 months. After 6 months, and a lot of analyzing myself and my feelings, I will re-evaluate the situation. But even if I do decide to have a drink here or there, I know I will never go back to using alcohol as a social lubicrant, because I know I really don’t need it.
