manage my Bipolar disorder

....I feel so bad I can hardly get out of bed, but have had to drag myself to work each miserable day – where I’m pulling my team down and failing miserably.

Everything is incredibly difficult I just want to sleep….and eat.

I don’t see the point in this miserable little existance anymore, my partner is at his wits end with me and we’re barely talking, I’m a failure in work and dragging everyone else down, and I’m making my family desperately unhappy, I just can’t be bothered with it anymore, this whole fcking thing is pointless….

All these fcking people telling me I’ll feel better if only I’d do this or that well they can all f*ck off too because you know what? nothing is going to make me feel better, the only time I feel better is when i’m asleep or unconscious. I don’t want to excerise or walk and why suggest to me that going out and socialising might make me feel better??? I’ve barely looked ina mirror for a week and a half!

Megynn you’re right but not only does it help to read about your ups and downs but the writing it in the first place helps – I think this is the most I have “spoken” for about a week now and definitely the most active my brain has been, maybe I’m over the worst and going to come through the other side…I do hope so.

After feeling relatively normal for the past few weeks I can feel myself falling again…everything I do or say seems to be wrong, I know I’m a twat and a miserable one at that but I don’t need to be constantly reminded by everything I do or say being shit!

I’m starting to wonder what is the point in all this crap?? I feel shit and I make others feel shit… I’m a twat! I could happily just go home and sleep – Im tired. Work is just a constant pull on the little energy resources I have, I want to curl up in a dark room and cry. I’m so so tired.

I don’t want to go back to the place I was at at the start of the year – in fact I refuse to go back – I don’t know if I’ll make it out if I go there again I really really don’t.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference…

I have just been diagnosed and am feeling rather confused with the whole thing. I have a history of Mental illness since my early teens and have just thought that docs and my parents were just making a fuss over nothing…..but now I’ve been diagnosed, this is different. I’m confused and fairly scared as to what my future holds for me.

I am currently feeling fantastic, work has never gone better for me. I’m active and have a fab social life – am out mosts nights at the moment after recently overcoming a bout of depression that was the most severe I’ve had to date (like falling into an endless black hole and seeing no light at the end). Is it possible that they have diagnosed me wrong? No one has sat me down and explained the implications on my life and what is going to happen …. I’m 25 years old and been struggling with “depression” for most of it but surely thats just what it is…