stop being afraid of success

I seriously hope that this Alaska job pulls through.

Max said I for certain had the job… but geez, just waiting and everything… this would seriously fuck up so many things if it fell through.
I’m just keeping my fingers crossed every single day.

Sooo fortunate he’s paying for my ticket to get to Seattle, and the company will pay my way from there to Anchorage, then (I think) I’ll take another company plane from there to Naknek.

PULL THROUGH, PLEASE!!

: /

This would be the biggest breakthrough with fear of success!

Today I was given the opportunity to move to Alaska and help my cousin make some money.

...who knows.

I only have one thing schedueled for next year.
And it’s pretty big.
I was going to spend three to six months hiking the Pacific Crest Trail from Mexico to Canada (or as far as I can legally get to the Canadian border – I think you’ll need a passport by then, and I’m not eligible).

So, this is pretty confusing.

He’s staying in a hostel right now.
That is pretty neat to me.

Ahh, lots more thinking to do.

The cool thing about Alaska (no pun intended!) is you get that check every year.
I only have to live there for one year to be eligible for the check.
I did some research for a few minutes on Google, and it hasn’t been below $900 since 1990.
It was as low as $335 (give or take a few dollars) in the mid-eighties.

Hmm.

Someone on Flickr sent me the sweetest message!

Captivating.

I love your work.

Peace and love.

Wow.
Everybody always tells me that I “should be”/”need to be” the things that I’m pretty good at, but I just do it mostly for fun.

I created a charcoal drawing of a woman holding a hat when I was in the eighth grade, and my Science teacher then, Mr. Homer, offered to buy it for $800.

It’s now hanging downstairs in my mom’s home in this gorgeous huge frame.

But back then, I didn’t know the meaning of the value of art.
I thought that if you made something great, people admired it, and you still get to keep it.
I couldn’t dream of letting something go that I liked.

So I kept it.

I get so many offers from time to time from people who either want to buy something of mine, or they want to see it blown up and on a wall.
Poster-like.

Who knows.

I know that I could be successful.

And I shared a lot of my ad and tagline ideas with Bryan when I was in Vegas, and he kept egging me on to get into advertising.

I’m just so damn hardheaded, I don’t want to do what everybody expects of me, even if it’ll make my name a kind of… household name, I guess.

If I played soccer and was great at it and everybody wanted me to be a professional soccer player to go off and make millions of dollars, I would be a computer programmer.
Or a Special Olympics coach and coordinator.

I don’t know why I work like that.

But hey, going against the grain kind of runs in the family.

But I don’t know anyone in my family that has taken it to this kind of extremity.

Ahhhh oh well…

My dad keeps telling me that I’m afraid of success, that I’m just like him when it comes to success.

I seriously disagree, but maybe I really am. I don’t know if I should’ve put this as a goal without believing it.
He’s never told me that in my entire life until a month or two ago.

And now he says it every other frickin day.

Who knows!