live life to the fullest

Sometimes I’m not sure if I could ever actually live my life to the fullest. I’m actually not even sure if it is attainable at this point. But one thing I’ve learned recently, with the help of my sister, is that your life can be full if you just learn to live it. . . to live and be and do what you want. Obstacles are always put in front of us not to discourage but to make us appreciate everything so much more.

Time is such a fragile thing and if you don’t learn to break barriers or bad habits or learn to love again then you’re just living the same moments over and over again. I can’t live feeling hopeless or lost anymore because in doing so I’ve wasted so much time. Time that I could have used doing all of the things I’ve always wanted or going places I’ve always dreamed of. . . nothing’s ever too far out of reach and if it is then ask for a hand.

So, am I worried about living life to it’s fullest, or is it really one of my 43 things that I have to accomplish?? No. It’s something that I will realize one day when I look down at my hands and see how much these hands have done in a lifetime…I’ll look in the mirror and see how many smiles and tears it took for me to know that face….and I’ll know then that my life was lived to the fullest because I would have never made it to that point that day. As for now, I’m just worried about being me, in it’s entirety.

I’m doing new things every day and working towards all of my goals more. Since moving out of my parent’s house I feel such a sense of relief to finally start my life. . .

Just started to do some modeling on the side for shits and giggles and that’s been fun and next I think I shall make a portrait of someone I don’t know by using clippings of other people’s facial features.

I’m beginning to wonder if this is really attainable or something one can do. Maybe living life to one’s fullest is learning to be happy with what you have and finding a way to incorporate the things you love. I love my new apartment and things seem to be going great right now. . . so am I living my life to the fullest. .. am I living it up? Who’s to say, but I like to think so.

For now that is.

This crazy country is out of order and I feel like a zombie (and when I say zombie I don’t mean Rob Zombie)!! Ugh, please someone wake me up from what seems like a non-stop daze. . .

Life. I choose to live it. Even if I can’t always make sense of it.

I’m that type of person that’s always standing at the edge of the building staring out and down, waiting for the perfect moment to jump. I’ve spent so much time worrying and contemplating and thinking about my future that it has left me utterly lost and unfulfilled. I’ve chained myself to a fear of the unknown and analyzing has become my sidekick and now I’m ready to retire both. I must give partial credit to my parents for aiding me in this nauseating state, not that they were the over-religious or over-protective type but they just have a way of getting under my skin about certain things. Either way, life has come knocking at my door once again and this time I’m catching the train with it.

So I raise my glass to the jump-off, you shall no longer be just a view!