research adoption

I think i’ve gotten through ‘researching adoption’ as far as i can at the moment, considering it’ll be years before i’m actually ready for a kid… oh, and i’d like to move, hopefully to Ireland but at any rate Very Far Away from the Valley, and preferably before trying to adopt (yeah, take a kid who’s already been removed from one home, barely let him get settled in, and then move out of the country. That won’t cause trauma. None at all.)

So most applicable laws will probably change, either through the simple changes of time (i’m thinking it’s going to be at least five years before i’m ready to deal with having a kid) or location (the Hague Convention should keep that aspect from having too much influence, but there’ll probably still be some differences).

But i’ve done as much research as i can this far in advance, and i’ve subscribed to at least thirty adoption blogs. Between the lot of them any major law changes are bound to be mentioned; plus this way i get to better notice all the ups and downs of kids, and social work, and kids traumatised by (social work/first families/foster care/orphanages/Disney films/and all the other potential triggers i’m forgetting about right now), and even more varieties of adoption trolls (including the Well-Meaning Religious Troll – that’s, um. Really one i did not expect.)

I think i can count ‘research adoption’ as ‘done’, then, as it’s as done as it’s going to get without a good dose of personal experience.

I am a total research junkie, but i hate researching stuff having to do with children, especially adoption… it just causes me to lose all faith in humanity.

First, anything involving children at all is six-degrees-of-separation (well… more like two or three degrees…) to child abuse, ranging from repetitive verbal tear-downs to brutal murders.

From the moment adoption comes up: ‘Oh, i would never do that! i want the kid to have my genes/i want to experience pregnancy/i want to experience raising my child from day one…’ Which is all great, if it’s someone’s personal choice, but i’ve actually seen people get really offensive about it. Like anyone who chooses to adopt must have something horribly wrong with them.
Well, the good thing about doing my research online: i’m already used to Internet trolls…

Adopting an unknown child is even worse. There’s people who will adopt a niece or nephew or godchild but turn up their noses at anyone who takes a baby through an agency or foster care: ‘ewww, you don’t know where it’s been!’ Fine, maybe the kid has an as-of-yet undetected genetic mutation or FAS or some other problem inherited from a crackhead prostitute mother. It’s a child, not an opened lollipop someone left on a subway seat; if the parent is prepared to take the risk… eh. More trolls.

And there’s people who troll over international adoption… apparently the ‘Made in the USA, WOOHOO!’ trend applies to babies, too. There is a certain logic to their argument; we have an overcrowded foster care system over here, why not take a kid out of it?
Oorrr… you could take a kid from an underprivileged country, where only the really really lucky ones (read: not orphans) have clean drinking water and basic health care (read: stuff even foster kids in this country take for granted). It’s like the pregnancy vs. adoption thing, if someone wants a biological or domestic child, great. More power to them. But to insult others over it? Is there nothing better to whine about in this world?
I actually saw trolls bitching about international adoption in the comments of an article about an adopted Russian child being beaten to death. Granted, it was really mild, by Internet troll standards, but still. GAH.

And adopting Russian children is an extra-special trouble because (as linked above) Americans seem to have a nasty tendency to kill their adopted Russian children and the Russian government is not keen on taking children from one home and shipping them overseas to a new home only for them to end up dead. Russians love their children too…
I don’t know that adopted Russians have any higher death rate than adopted children from other countries but the Russian government seems more likely than others to suspend adoptions when a murder occurs. Which i can’t really complain about, on account of it being one of those annoying ‘trying to prevent child-murder’ things.

blah. People suck.