disclose 43 random THINGS about myself

I don’t like going to bed. I’m fine with falling asleep almost anywhere, but the actual act of going to bed (to sleep) I do not really ever look forward to. Even when my eyes are burning out of my head staring at the computer screen.

...and weekdays where I’m forced to stay home, I like to take Abi to the library in StPeter. She plays with the trains, puzzles, and computer while I can sit right next to her and do a pretty substantial amount of homework. We both win this way, and it’s a really pleasant setting. Today we’ll leave for the librare at 9.

When things come up at home that make up a crisis situation, if it’s something that is prolonged something in me shuts down. My communication drops and zombie-mode kicks in where I almost mechanically take care of all the everyday things. Only a few things seem to be able to pop me out of this, like Abigail. She brings me back to earth every time she needs me for something, otherwise it’s like my skin is twice as thick and the days just whiz by. I know this isn’t a very good thing, and I try to control how removed I become. I’m getting better at limiting this, but not quite there yet.

There’s this song by Elbow called “The Bones of You” that I hear once in a while. I love it, and am inspired directly by it to write this book I have in mind, but whenever I hear it I can feel something in my chest building up and typically staret to cry. Another song that affects me greatly is “If There is Something” by Roxy Music. The first 50 seconds are kind of really annoying in this 6 minute song, but after those 50 seconds it becomes something very powerful – for me anyway.

I Really DO want to accomplish the other 27 things on my list.

My oldest daughter is an ass-kicking artist when it comes to drawing. She’s way better than me when I was her age, and I think she’s well beyond any ability I might have even now. I am constantly amazed by the way she continually practices some idea for a few hours daily, and how skilled she’s become because of it. She even has the ‘artist callous’ on two of her fingers – she hates it, but at the same time she’s kind of proud of it. Seeing her art jump when she comes through some stylistic revelation is really cool. She kicks ass, and isn’t afraid to experiment.

It’s easy for me to fall asleep whether day or night, but the schedule really messes with my concept of passing time! Instead of actual seperate days during the week, it seems like just one long, weird day. Oh well, it won’t be for long.

I like it when the day is windy. It’s extremely windy today, ad you can almost smell in the air that some largish storm is moving in. One of the baby’s middle names is Windy.

When I’m shaved bald I wear nothing on my head. However, when my hair starts growing back, and if I’m too lazy to shave it again immediately (which I typically am), I tend to wear a hat. Usually this takes the form of a baseball cap. It may start out looking clean and pristine, but soon enough it gains its own personality (read: it gets pretty oily, dusty, and generally nasty looking). I like baseball caps though. I haven’t played baseball since I was 14, nor do I follow the sport, but the hat always feels like it’s supposed to be there.

Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of audiobooks at work, since they’re watching me like a hawk now for reading at the press. It’s pretty cool – I’ve found that I no longer care if I’m running a $#!t-job because I can listen to this thing while doing so. I’ve also been staying rooted at the press for longer periods of time, which make the big-wigs happy thinking that my attitude is changing. Let them believe what they wish – the truth is that my sanity depends on how well I can fool myself into believing I’m somewhere else.