I need to learn to be more laid back. I find myself dwelling on things to the point where i make moutains out of molehills and create problems that weren’t there in the first place. For example i started a new relationship and all i’ve done so far is second guess him as if he has ulterior motives, presume straight away i’m being lied to, go on and on about things and as a result i almost lost him last night, granted there were a lot of crossed wires but it was me that created them in the first place by constantly thinking he’s not interested etc, fortunately he’s given me another chance to turn it all around and yet i’m dwelling now as we speak that he’s probably having second thoughts or will chuck me anyway even if i can fix things. I dwell on things so much and go over and over it thinking about things that can’t be answered until it makes me physically ill. Sure, i realise i’ve been hurt several times recently by people but this shouldn’t be an issue, i shouldn’t even presume to believe that one person, thing or situation is the same as another.
What bothers me the most is i never used to be this bad, of course i’d have my moments just like anyone else but i was never this bad and it was never this frequent. I just don’t know how to break these bad thought cycles. I have tried meditation and talking sense into myself which does work for a brief period of time but not enough to have any lasting beneficial effect.
The worst part of it is that it doesn’t just effect me, it effects the people around me too that have to listen to me going into these… almost neurotic ramblings about things that i have little or no control over which then manifest themselves into real problems.
I think i need sedating lol.
