SirDanube is doing 28 things including…

stop masturbating

3 cheers

 

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SirDanube has written 94 entries about this goal

Hi, it's me again

I dunno which day is it, probably 4th or 5th, but I’d like to do this again.
I tried to go to a therapist, it didn’t help me at all. She just talked I should like myself the way I am, that life is about being spontanous and that I shouldn’t wish for things I can’t have. I got my weight again, now I lost it again… this weight-bouncing wasn’t good, but now I learned what to eat.
The naked flesh is tempting, the part of me wants to do all the things young people do, but I quickly grow tired of it. And last night, I had nightmares related to my problems again. And now I know… I’m still too fragile and gentle, I still have to grow stronger. For my sake.



Day 8

Nothing special is going on, just letting you know I didn’t give up. I have no sexual desires whatsoever, but I know I still have problems. I’m focusing on my emotions, feelings and insecurities, not on sex.



Day 0

It was supposed to be Day 30, but I couldn’t any longer. It just wasn’t stopping and I’m mentally fatigued. I did my best for now.

I’ll try to make it all better and better, I have to be stronger. :)



Day 29

Today was difficult! I felt urges all day, I’ve seen some things that were tempting and couldn’t simply pass by them. I was lying on the floor, playing video game and for a longer time thinking about turning it off and searching some porn… I was negotiating; I didn’t have to masturbate, just to see a bit… I need it right now, I won’t need it later. Just this once?
But then I said: NO! I don’t need it ever, this is exactly the chance to build a firm attitude! I’m not desperate, I’m not dying, I’m simply addicted. And the key is in realizing that you don’t need it, that it’s all in your head, that you’re in charge! But you have to be brave and start fighting, even though things aren’t under absolute control. :)
So I endured it, of course. I made NO negotiation, what so ever. The feeling keeps returning, but weaker.



Day 28

Was a bit depressed today, but it was a normal day. Feeling like I’m gonna burst, but I’m slowly breaking the habit. XD
I feel proud of myself.



Day 27

Feelin’ good. :D My body is really complaining because it’s been almost a month, but I know that’s normal and that it goes away – been there, done that.
But I think I’m a bit more confident and brave.



Day 26

Last night I had a bad sexual dream again. It shook me a bit, but I survived.

-

Later I had a little party and it was good :D



Day 25

Really busy with exams and preparations for the party. But I’m not stressed and I’m truly happier. :) Praying for you guys, you can do it!



Day 23

We had a little early celebration – you see, tomorrow is my birthday. TrueFreedomCall – you were right. Today was really brighter than yesterday. :D



Day 22

I feel a bit anxious and sad… Wondering what’s going to happen with my life, feeling that woman inside my head.
It’s 22 days without porn, 22 days without the MB. I don’t miss THAT, but I still feel dependable on it. I don’t have many other things.
My libido is weak and I really don’t have erotic thoughts about guys. But I feel strongly emotionally attached to them and at the same time, I wanna be one – a real guy. It’s kinda like this: I don’t care about genitals, or body or abs or anything; But their confident look, their strong smile or hands… Things that are physical, but come from the inside are what attract me. I feel that they’re strong, brave, confident, relaxed, masculine – I wanna be like them! But I dunno how… And I express it by going all gentle.
I just needed to write this, I imagine it will become more clear later.

I started working out a bit, I’m minding what I eat (today was fish day) and trying to build up a good stamina. :) I think I should start training aikido again, too. I really miss it.

EDIT: What I concluded – with every addiction, it’s important to have a strong body and strong willpower; The stronger these two are, the easier it gets.
But also it’s about making a strong personality for keeping the bad habit at bay! For example, I quit drinking sodas or eating bad food many times successfully. And I would successfully forget about it, but then I would eventually start doing it again.



SirDanube has gotten 3 cheers on this goal.

 

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